DECEMBER 10 — Insecurities and narcissistic behaviour in relationships often get mixed up but understanding the difference could be a game-changer for your love life. At first glance, someone who seems needy or jealous may appear narcissistic while someone who boasts constantly could seem insecure. But in reality, these behaviours have very different roots. Let’s break it down and understand how to spot them and what they mean for your relationships today.
Insecurities in relationships usually come from a place of fear and self-doubt. People who struggle with insecurity often feel like they’re not enough. This might mean needing constant reassurance from their partner or getting upset over small things like a missed text or a delayed response. Their actions might come off as controlling or clingy but what they’re really afraid of is being abandoned or not being loved enough. Insecurity stems from past experiences maybe childhood struggles, past heartbreaks or other emotional wounds that have never fully healed. It’s an emotional defence mechanism, the more insecure you feel, the harder you try to hold on to the relationship.
Now, let’s talk about narcissism which often mistaken for just being full of yourself. But narcissistic behaviour is more than just being self-centred. It’s about needing constant admiration and attention to feel validated. People who show narcissistic traits have an inflated sense of their own importance. They often seek to control situations and relationships to maintain their sense of superiority. But here’s the catch, underneath that confident exterior, narcissistic individuals often struggle with deep insecurities. They don’t want you to see their vulnerability, so they mask it with arrogance and manipulation. They might seem like they have it all together, but their actions can leave you feeling emotionally drained, unheard or even invisible.
The key difference is how they react when their sense of self is threatened. Insecure people might become emotional, vulnerable and even clingy, needing constant reminders that they’re loved and valued. Narcissists, on the other hand, react with anger, deflection or coldness. If you criticise them or challenge their image, they’ll often turn the situation around to make you feel guilty or inferior. Narcissists rarely acknowledge their flaws or admit when they’re wrong. Their self-image is fragile and they protect it at all costs.
It’s essential to understand that not everyone who displays narcissistic behaviour has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). NPD is a complex psychological condition that only a professional can diagnose. People can have narcissistic traits such as needing constant praise or being overly critical of others without meeting the criteria for a full diagnosis. Many times, these behaviours are just a coping mechanism for deeper emotional pain or unresolved trauma. So, before labelling someone as “narcissistic,” take a moment to consider their emotional history and how they got to where they are. A person can act narcissistic, but it doesn’t mean they are one and they might not even be aware of how their actions affect others.
So, what can you do if you’re in a relationship where these behaviours are showing up? First, it’s important to communicate honestly and openly. If your partner is insecure, they likely just need reassurance and emotional support. But if they’re constantly seeking attention or validation, it might help to set healthy boundaries and encourage them to work on their self-esteem. If narcissistic behaviours are more prominent, it’s a bit trickier. You may need to address issues of empathy, respect and fairness in the relationship. Remember, narcissism is not just about selfishness, it’s often a defence mechanism for low self-worth. A conversation that focuses on how their actions affect you could open up a more honest dialogue.
The goal is not to blame or criticise but to build awareness and make sure both partners are seen and heard. Recognise that both insecurity and narcissism come from places of hurt and fear. Healing is possible but it requires a lot of self-awareness, growth and effort from both sides. Therapy, self-reflection and support can go a long way in helping people break free from unhealthy patterns.
In the end, understanding the difference between insecurity and narcissistic behaviour can help you better navigate your relationships. It’s easy to jump to conclusions and label someone as selfish or needy but real relationships are messy and complicated. Don’t rush to judge or put people in boxes because sometimes what looks like narcissism is just a person’s way of protecting themselves from pain. Approach your relationships with empathy, curiosity and a willingness to grow together. You might just find that both you and your partner can heal and thrive when given the right tools and support.
* The author is a Trainee Counsellor and may be reached at [email protected]
** This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of Malay Mail.
