KUALA LUMPUR, Nov 8 — Everybody knows that when you become a parent, your life changes. Forever.
It was the same for electronics engineer Meor Amer Reza who was “living a normal life” before his son Meor Adel Hariz was born.
But on top of learning how to be a parent, Reza had to learn how to be the father of a physically-challenged child as Adel was born without one arm.
Three years on, Reza has written a book -- The Greatest Gift: Unlocking the Hidden Treasures in Your Children -- about his experience.
He learned as a parent that it is not the “disability” of the child that limits his potential to function like any other able-bodied person but the parent’s limitations for him.
Adel is three now and an older brother to two-year-old Mai Saffiya; he can button his own shirt, run around and play like any other child.
This is all possible because Reza learned that it doesn’t matter how a child is born; as long as you give proper guidance and care, the child can achieve his/her highest potential to become a leader.
“The reason why I wrote the book is because I wanted to share my experiences with others, whether their child is born with a disability or not. The first part is about my learning experience raising Adel. It’s about taking the chance to turn weaknesses into strengths. It can be that the child has low self esteem or is not an achiever in school,” said Reza.
The second part talks more about parenting in general and in the book, Reza shares tips and tricks for good parenting.
Both Reza and his wife Siti Hajar Mohd Yakop hold full-time jobs as engineers but whenever they are not working, they spend quality time with their two children. Reza believes that it is not about the amount of time spent with his family but the quality of each moment with them.
“Parents usually give excuses that they don’t have time to spend with their children because of their hectic lifestyle. But it doesn’t matter if it’s just 10 minutes or half an hour as long as they are doing something they like together, enjoying each other’s company,” said the author.
He spent six months writing the book, speaking to parenting and childcare development experts. Reza also read a lot of parenting books prior to Adel’s birth. Growing up, Reza was fortunate to have loving parents who are teachers. Because of this, he learned first hand how parenting should be.
“The first seven years in a child’s life is the most important because that’s when they pick up things very fast. It is also when they learn things subconsciously,” he said.
“Children are the greatest gifts. Most parents know this but they don’t put it into action,” added Reza.
“When you instill the right values and the right mindset, your child will be able to help others and contribute to those around him. Children might not be able to understand fully but whatever you tell them now will translate later on in life,” explained Reza.
For Reza, watching TV with his children is not spending time with them. “You need to have some interaction with your child.”
A lot of parents want their children to be leaders but they do not know that all these things begin at home. Through this book, Reza wants to connect with parents who find difficulty raising their kids.
“If you see a child not doing well, it’s not because the child is weak but because their strengths are underestimated by the parents. If you believe that your child has a high potential in life, they will have high potential in life. Parents should not set low expectations for them,” he said.
Reza said that when Adel was born, he fell into the trap thinking that Adel may not be able to do things like other children can. He said he “didn’t want to be too ambitious”, trying to earn as much money as he could so that he could support Adel.
Surprisingly, as Adel grew up it was the opposite instead. Reza learned from his own son, and was amazed that Adel could do wonders when it was thought impossible.
Despite not having an arm, Adel can physically do things on his own without learning from anyone. He doesn’t feel out of place when he interacts with other children. In fact, Adel doesn’t see himself as a physically-challenged person.
“What kind of person your child becomes is up to you. I believe that Adel has a lot to give to others. I want him to explore different things and be the best that he can. It’s about finding their element, what they’re good at. The first step for parents is to expose their child to activities and uncover their talents.”
‘The Greatest Gift: Unlocking the Hidden Treasures in Your Children’ will be available for sale in February 2014 for RM49. It will also be available internationally on Amazon for US$34.
A digital copy of the book is downloadable for free at www.thegreatestgiftbook.net once it’s been released. For more information on the book, check out www.greatestgiftproject.com.
This story was first published in Crave in the print edition of The Malay Mail on November 7, 2013.
