SEPTEMBER 21 — Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a condition that is finally getting more awareness; I have two members in my extended family who are on medication for it.
The commonly discussed symptoms include an inability to focus coupled with hyperactivity and impulsivity. Statistics presently indicate about four per cent of Malaysian children have ADHD but there’s no reliable data yet on adults.
I recently spoke to Caleb who’s been living with ADHD for the better part of three decades.
He stays in Petaling Jaya and I was his teacher many years ago; we recently re-connected and I hope his story and experience with ADHD will help shed more light on the disorder.
1. How would you explain ADHD to someone who’s never heard of it before? When did you first realise you had ADHD? What symptoms should people look out for?
“Scatter-brained” is a common buzzword for ADHD-ers like myself (see note 1) and I don’t fault those who came up with such a true term. It’s like structural/organisational chaos.
Imagine if our workspaces, our desks, our minds are all cluttered with so much stuff, we easily get distracted and lose focus on activities that require it the most.
That’s how it feels like in my mind.
I want to work hard and be disciplined, but by the time I sit down to do some work, my mind’s already in La La Land, wondering what’s for lunch and dinner.
If that’s not bad enough, I then forget what I was supposed to do and end up browsing the web with half a million tabs open and jumping from tab to tab in a frenzied treasure hunt for mostly trivial information.
We ADHD-ers:
- are impulsive, verbose, and socially awkward because of our constant predisposition to interrupting others when and while they speak.
- are largely unmotivated but possess this huge bundle of energy to kick off projects but never end up completing them. Not only is it a chore to focus on the task at hand, we ADHD sufferers also become distracted by the slightest stimulus even if it isn’t even relevant to us.
- have very poor working memory and instructions that are too complex end up being forgotten. We also feel unnervingly uneasy and angst-ridden most of the time.
- get easily bored, frustrated and impatient.
- are quick to overreact emotionally but are slower to react to unexpected circumstances (a consequence of such a thin skin is the loss of many friendships and relationships).
More than all of these telling characteristics, we feel down and discouraged easily because we compare ourselves to our peers (who do not have what we have) because they seem smarter, more disciplined and more successful than we are.
A lot of people think that the defining characteristic of ADHD is hyperactivity. I beg to differ.
The first time I realised I had ADHD was not when I was climbing up and over chairs and tables but when I would say and do stuff I didn’t intend to and ended up regretting them but alas, it was too late and what was said and done was done.
Again, we ADHD-ers:
- lack the necessary capability and drive to be internally motivated, disciplined, organised and possess self-control.
- cannot regulate our emotions and we also blurt out the first thing that comes to their minds from our lips.
- are clumsy, easily forget where we place our things and aren’t as attentive to our environment as we should be.
- are often lost in our own world and our heads seem to be in the clouds, even when we engage others in active conversation.
- are not financially prudent and buy things on impulse.
- express and vent to others more than what is socially acceptable, and as a result...
- we alienate acquaintances and sometimes turn off and lose friends in the process.
So that is the life of an ADHD-afflicted adult or child.
ADHD-ers also suffer from a lot of self-inflicted shame. Nothing drains the drive of those who suffer from ADHD more than the shame they feel when they don’t measure up to their sometimes impossibly high standards.
2. What sorts of treatment did you undergo? Would you say they were helpful? What alternatives are there?
I didn’t actually go through much treatment.
I vaguely remember receiving occupational therapy for a short stint at a hospital but that didn’t last, for what reason I’m not too sure.
What was an interesting development was when I was referred to Dr PCK who guided me through cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT).
I remember him teaching me breathing exercises, hearing me out and giving me strategies on coping mechanisms for the various conditions with which I was afflicted.
He even gave me a CD of all the techniques but I don’t know where that has gone. An immensely helpful psychiatrist, Dr PCK was also incredibly gentle and patient.
After that equally not-so-long therapy ended, I think I was on my own for a while. I believe CBT helped me because I didn’t flare up quite so often and was more controlled.
Alas, all good things do come to an end and after a few months, I was in the same sorry ADHD shape that I was in before I had the encouraging encounter with Dr PCK.
Living with ADHD is a journey and unfortunately, not everyone has the time nor resources to lavish it on those who suffer from it, no matter how kind and caring they may be.
I hear these days neurofeedback helps patients with ADHD, but I also read somewhere that the results are inconclusive and not proven to be wholly effective.
What I do is since I’m very affected by sounds, I listen to brain music that fills my head with brainwave-altering sounds that aid in focus and relaxation like alpha and beta waves.
My father also bought me these essential oil sniffers that help me regain mental energy for tasks which need it when I’m feeling fatigued and jaded.
In turn, I also have two “sound machines” that play natural sounds like waves crashing upon the shore and the sound of birds chirping in the distance.
Although some ADHD experts say it is a chronic disease/disorder, there are many treatments for it, not excluding medication and psychosocial therapies. Medication has been proven to be a stabilising force for me.
Side effects are to be expected but they’re not devastatingly bad unless you are in the bottom five per cent who experience severe side effects.
3. How has ADHD affected you? Personally? Professionally?
Some famous people with ADHD say it is like a superpower they have.
I have no doubt it is heaped upon immensely bright and intensely creative people, but I don’t see it as a superpower. I see it more as a curse and one of the banes of my existence. Sure, I may have more energy than most other neurotypical individuals, but I would give everything to experience life at a slower and more controlled and focused pace.
One of the reasons I say it is a bane rather than a boon is because I am so afraid of my inability to focus on whatever is in front of me that I don’t drive, thereby having to rely on public transportation, Grab drivers and my parents. Could that be a blessing in disguise? Sure, but not when your movement is dependent upon others when you could be roaming about and around freely.
Many times, in my writing career I have also almost floundered and flopped because I couldn’t meet deadlines and was too scatter-brained to muster up the motivation to complete paying projects. Due to my systemic lack of organisation, I also lost some invaluable work I accomplished and hate myself for it. Not meeting deadlines is one thing; not knowing where you put your assignment guidelines or saved your written work is another dreadful waking nightmare.
* Note 1: Caleb rejects the term “ADHD patient” and has instead proposed “ADHD-er” to describe people with the condition. Unlike schizophrenia which produces the word “schizoid” or “schizophrenic”, there’s no equivalent term for folks with ADHD.
* If you have any questions or wish to share some feedback, Caleb can be contacted at [email protected]
** This is the personal opinion of the columnist.
