NOVEMBER 16 — I feel sorry for sexual assault survivors because social media is full of triggers and tactlessness.
Just the other day I ended up in a Twitter exchange with local men, young and absolutely clueless about rape and its causes. One self-righteous young man was telling women (in rather crude language) to not just keep their heads covered but their breasts as well.
Another comment was just as appaling:
"but perogol bukan selalunya carik yg lawo ke? Hanya bertanya..." (But don't rapists always look for the pretty ones? Just asking...")
Here's one thing both victims and non-victims need to understand: rapist rape because they can. Sometimes it's an act of pre-planned vengeance. Sometimes, it's on a whim. Sometimes, it's because a person just has an inclination to rape -- witness serial rapists and murderers.
In no way is a rape victim ever the cause of a rape.
Yet our society raises both men and women into thinking that rape can somehow be prevented, with the right words and clothes.
Do we tell women not to use handbags, in case their bags get snatched?
Do we tell pedestrians not to use roads in case they get run down by drivers?
Do we tell victims of other crimes that it was somehow their fault? To some extent, it does happen in our police stations -- victims of theft have attempted to make reports but were told it was their own carelessness to blame.
The perpetrator of a crime deserves all of the blame, none of it belongs to the victim.
I'm not just speaking as a sexual assault survivor, but as someone who has friends and family who have also experienced it. How do I tell a little girl I know that her father's family blames her mother for not being around when her own uncle raped her? That when she is older, she will listen to people making light of what has been done to her? I can only hope, that maybe, she forgets it ever happened because it is nothing any woman should ever have to live with.
Yet I still see it, all the time. Women I know who still fear taking cabs. Women who flinch when men stand behind them. Little boys who weep because no one believes they were sexually molested by teachers and senior boys.
There is not one kind of rape victim, there is only the knowledge that rape is a crime and like the victims of any crime, rape victims are not to be blamed. And until enough people know that, the people who do know will just have to keep saying it until the victim-blaming stops.
* This is the personal opinion of the columnist.
