MAY 21 — Good or bad news depending on how you feel about me: I survived my surgery!
Facetiousness aside, as per usual my hospital escapade was a horror-comedy.
Let me list down the funny (or not funny) bits:
1. Being asked if I had my mammogram and ultrasound documents with me... at 10 minutes to four, the day before surgery, when they could have just asked me to bring them last week, maybe?
Was not told by radiology to bring said documents but I guess, dear reader, just bring all your documents to every visit where they might be useful lest you be me and have to call up my hapless housemate to rush over to HKL in the middle of rush hour.
2. The general surgery unit was unaware I had a CT mammogram as well as an ultrasound last Friday by radiology.
Apparently the departments do not talk to each other, which means It’s my job to update them.
I did not sign up for this.
3. Being unable to sleep in the daycare ward because it is uncomfortably warm, your pyjamas are rather thick (though decent quality), another ward occupant is playing loud videos on her mobile phone while another occupant is busy throwing up.
I also did not sign up for this.
4. The ward bathroom is stuff of (my) nightmares — no soap dispenser, the one soap bar placed on the sink on top of its wrapper ended up being stolen, one toilet was broken, some stalls are too small and the floor is full of puddles, some ankle-deep.
If you end up being warded, have someone bring you soap because you’ll want it.
5. Due to a sudden influx of patients, I got a free ward upgrade on my second night to the first class ward where I had a nice time chatting with two occupants and another occupant just happened to be the mother of an old friend.
I also got to sleep peacefully for a blissful, uninterrupted four hours until I got woken up multiple times to be fed pain medication, then have my drain bag emptied, then be told to prepare for my surgeon to see whether I was fit for discharge.
6. My surgeon looked at my wound for 15 seconds before declaring: “OK boleh discharge.” (OK she can be discharged.)
After my worries over the weekend that my lesion was too large (my radiologist declared it was rather long and had ‘legs’) I guess it didn’t prove to be worrisome to the surgical team?
So I was rather surprised to wake up with more of my boob than I expected but perhaps it will shrink once the swelling goes down.
7. I take back what I said about men being worse at blood draws.
Three women junior doctors attempted to stick me with a needle for IVs but failed to the point I was screaming in the middle of the night — and by most people’s standards I have ridiculously high pain tolerance.
Hours before my surgery, another junior doctor tried... I have never had my veins slapped as violently, as though their refusal to give into the needle was a personal affront.
Alas, it was also unsuccessful until a male junior looked over my veins and somehow inserted the needle around the site where a previous doctor had failed without blowing my vein.
“You owe me one!” He told one of the other doctors.
I probably owe him too, as by the fourth needle stick attempt I was telling the doctors that if they failed again I was walking out of the hospital, surgery be damned.
How am I now? Well I caught a throat infection and the right side of my jaw refused to unhinge, even with muscle relaxants.
My wound is healing nicely (according to the private GP I visited on the third day due to paranoia and being unable to open my mouth properly) though no one told me that it’s perfectly normal to have fluid seep from my wound randomly.
You can imagine my horror on waking up and discovering wet spots on my night clothes, thinking my drain tube had dislodged while I slept.
The hospital’s dedicated breast cancer nurse changed my dressing on Monday to waterproof ones — I can shower like a normal person now, huzzah — and said no, miss, you can’t have your drains out yet, come back next week.
Next week is also when a big Asean event is happening so pray for me as I attempt to get to HKL, on a Monday morning, with multiple road closures and diversions.
Stay tuned for next week’s update.
* This is the personal opinion of the columnist.
