MAY 7 — While you are reading this I will be in the hospital spending another day doing immunotherapy.
My latest tests show my heart is holding up despite all the cancer drugs it has had to endure, so that’s good news at least.
However my latest mammogram and ultrasound have findings that could affect my surgery — whether it happens or if I end up getting a mastectomy instead of a lumpectomy.
Speaking of Wednesdays, as a Wednesday baby I find it an amusing coincidence that my column and my chemotherapy sessions also happen to be on those days.
The universe has a sense of humour, I suppose.
I don’t think I need to tell you what day my surgery’s scheduled now, do I?
Now it seems my schedule could be up in the air and I’m despondent, but well, we’ll see what happens next week.
In other news, singer Michael Bolton, I found out, had brain cancer and the most aggressive sort — glioblastoma.
He told People: “Succumbing to the challenge is not an option. You’re really quickly drawn into a duel. I guess that’s the way you find out what you’re made of.”
Besides a successful surgery to remove the cancer, he’s gone through chemotherapy and radiation as well as a second surgery due to an infection.
He’s chosen not to find out his prognosis, instead taking regular scans (glioblastoma has an over 90 per cent recurrence rate), exercising, taking voice lessons and doing voice therapy online.
I do think it’s important to point out that Bolton is perhaps privileged in the fact that he is financially comfortable enough to not have to worry about the costs of his treatment.
Still, he does make a point when he made the following observation about how post-cancer treatment he finds comfort in general more easily, having a “heightened sense of appreciation.”
“It’s unthinkable for it to be okay not to make the most of your life,” he said.
“I think we develop capabilities and problem management, and we learn how to make the best out of a bad situation. You have to be a cheerleader for yourself.”
Reading stories from other cancer patients like Bolton’s gives me both comfort and perspective.
Comfort in being reminded that I’m not the only one dealing with this and perspective in that by many metrics I’m luckier than most.
At the same time, I don’t want to sugarcoat the cancer experience in this column.
Chemotherapy can be hard and painful, the frequent visits and long waiting times are wearying on body and soul and side effects are going to vary for everyone.
Reading about Bolton’s treatment, I’m thinking good for him, for getting through chemotherapy and radiation because it can’t be easy at his age.
The truth of the matter is also that cancer treatments don’t always help prolong a person’s life so it’s important to consult with your doctor about whether the cancer treatments are worth the toll they will put on your body.
In my case it was straightforward.
I am “young” (by public hospital standards since the average person you see in one is geriatric), have no drug allergies, have no other comorbidities besides borderline high blood pressure and my cancer isn’t very complex — early stage, only one major tumour detected.
Whatever happens next week I have no choice for now but to wait and see.
Worrying won’t change anything and I’ll just have to keep doing what I’ve been doing — crossing every bridge as it comes instead of worrying that it will collapse.
I’m still here, still living as best as I can and part of that is thanks to the support of many people in my life.
Uncertainty can be terrifying but for now, I’ll leave tomorrow’s worries for tomorrow, and have a cookie today.
* This is the personal opinion of the columnist.
