APRIL 16 — You don’t look like a cancer patient, my friend said.
I don’t blame him — the people he’s known to have cancer were noticeably gaunt, shedding weight quickly to the point they seemed to be wasting away.
Meanwhile, I just found out I gained 2 kilogrammes since my last weigh-in three weeks ago.
It annoys me greatly.
If it wasn’t for my bald head (and my telling everyone), I think people wouldn’t even realise I had cancer.
There are more things that people don’t see.
I am a bit tired of being told I am strong, a warrior, so positive when the simple reason that I seem almost unruffled by all this is because trauma and pain are no strangers to me.
When you’ve faced many trials or had what Chinese soothsayers would call 命硬 (rough life) every tribulation just feels like one more thing to get over and I am, albeit unwillingly, forged in fire.
Of course I have negative feelings and thoughts about this whole cancer thing, and I am not special in any way.
I’m just pragmatic.
After getting my tears, rage and nervous breakdown over with, I have no choice but to focus on getting every cancer treatment hurdle over with and I am happy to announce that while you’re reading this I will be undergoing my final (hopefully) chemo treatment.
Even more good news — physical examination found no palpable proof of a tumour so now comes surgery, scheduled next month.
This was made possible thanks to being able to pay for my Perjeta infusions in the first place.
The surgery will remove what is left of my tumour as well as any cancerous lymph nodes and between now and then, I have even more appointments.
I got done with an X-ray but will need to see an anesthesiologist, have another echocardiogram, one more round of immunotherapy (Perjeta and Herceptin) and then a pre-surgery medical appointment.
Yes, I am very tired of going to the hospital multiple times a month but that’s just the cancer life for you.
After getting the good news about my cancer tumour status and surgery date, I was texting multiple people and also making different posts on my social media.
It might seem like tedium but isn’t that a good “problem” to have? To have more than one person happy to hear from you about your cancer updates and having people to share in your joy is, I found out, not always a reality for many people.
In the time since my diagnosis I’ve heard news of cancer deaths, not people I knew personally but dear friends of friends or in the case of another friend, a parent.
While I’m happy to reach one cancer milestone I will always be reminded that some cancer journeys are sadder or rockier, while some end far too soon or begin too late.
I know that right now I am where I am because of my circumstances and the support from friends and strangers.
What I’ve also learned is that we need more doctors, better facilities, a means of funding care and better preventative healthcare besides telling Malaysians they eat too much and they’re too fat.
Again I remind you, if you’re reading this, to not delay addressing any doubts of fears about the state of your health.
If you’re scared of the cost, look around and ask — if not public healthcare, Socso’s Behati exists and many NGOs advocating for specific diseases often have drives to promote testing.
For now, dear reader, I wish you the best of luck and the best of health.
* This is the personal opinion of the columnist.
