SEPTEMBER 18 — When transgender millionaire Sofea Ilias, 22, made public her decision in April this year to “revert” to a man, and took the name of Safiey — from her birth name Safiuddin Ilias — she, or rather he, was welcomed with open arms by the anti-transgender lobby.
Sofea’s story was lauded as further proof that it is indeed possible for transwomen to “return” to their fitrah, or “natural disposition” — that of a masculine man.
After all, in becoming Safiey, Sofea removed the breast implants she has had for the last three years.
Safiey was invited to talk shows to speak about his experience. Appearing in public in male attire, he was presented as a role model to other Malay mak nyah, or transwomen.
Even minister in the Prime Minister’s Department Jamil Khir Baharom urged transwomen to emulate Safiey in “returning to the right path.”
Therefore, when Safiey dropped the bombshell early this month that he is now back as Sofea after posting photos of herself in feminine clothes, it was as if the rug had been pulled from under the largely anti-transgender Malay public.
According to Sofea, she was “too tired” to deal with public expectation of what it meant for her to be a male. She admitted that she was still chastised and criticised, even when living as a man.
She was accused of using her story to promote her business. In addition, there were even those who questioned her lack of facial hair.
“I have actually been too tired to be good by returning to fitrah. Because whatever I did, there were still those who were dissatisfied and disputed me.
“When I was a transvestite I was shunned, when I became a man I was still shunned,” Sofea said in a lengthy social media post explaining her decision.
“Let me be myself and make myself happy my way,” she added, admitting that she was at peace after coming out yet again.
In the days afterwards, Sofea still had to justify her decision by explaining that she had not fully returned to living as a woman, and only wore feminine clothes when she feels the irresistible urge to do so.
She also promised she would not stay a transwoman forever.
While there are many transwomen who are forced to transition back into the male identity, Sofea herself might have been sincere in returning to a male identity.
Admittedly, her transition back and forth between male and female lives might have been less excruciating if the public, including herself, can understand that gender is not something that is set in stone.
Gender is not something binary, a choice between masculine and feminine, but rather a spectrum, as I have discovered and tried to learn about in the past few years.
From what little I have gleaned so far, one can be very masculine, partly feminine, even somewhere in between. In short, gender is complex.
While there are cisgenders like myself, who identify with the sex they are born with, there are also transgenders, who identify with the opposite of the sex they are born with.
Yet, there are those who are called “gender-fluid”: whose gender expression or identity is not fixed, changing with time or situation.
A gender-fluid may decide to not only dress masculine or feminine, but may also change their mannerism to suit whichever gender they are expressing at a certain moment, which sounds familiar in Sofea’s case.
Increasing acceptance of non-traditional and socially-prescribed gender roles on the internet have led many to embrace themselves freely, rather than living a confused life.
As always, it takes education for the mainstream public to catch up with the younger and more enlightened minds, and to shed their decades-long prejudice. Maybe one day, people like Sofea will no longer be burdened with trying to keep up with the binary constrains.
As it is now, it is heartbreaking that Sofea had to follow her public revelation with profuse apologies to those whom she felt she had disappointed.
Because ultimately, many people make it more about themselves, than the transgenders that they claim they are concerned about.
You can see it in Sofea’s case. Her revelation was followed by many commenters claiming to be disappointed that they had not done enough, or preached hard enough to make Sofea stay a man.
That they were sad, angry with her decision. They pitied her. They were heartbroken. They reminisced about their time together with her when she was still Safiey. They talked about their “success” in guiding Sofea, and ultimately, their failure.
It was all about themselves, and little about Sofea. Sofea’s transition and transformation, her need to express herself was much less important compared to their ego, their contribution and participation towards Sofea’s time in the limelight.
Many people ignore that you cannot force a transgender — or any other non-binary gender identity for that matter — to identify, and live out a gender that they do not and cannot associate with. A transman cannot identify as a woman, no more than a cisgender man can live as a woman.
And yet, authorities have tried to “rehabilitate” transgenders through camps under the deceptive guise of “spiritual camps”, as a number of transwomen had told Malay Mail Online in a November 2014 report.
There, they were forced to dress as men, and were subjected to gruelling physical exertions without notice.
In the years since, the camps were touted to be a success, with the authorities claiming that thousands have been “cured.” According to the transwomen interviewed, this assertion is up for debate.
What we all need instead — transgender, gender-fluid, or otherwise — is care, understanding, and acceptance. The insistence that someone can be reformed and rehabilitated, in the end, only serves the ego.
* This is the personal opinion of the columnist.
