OCTOBER 27 ― As I turn 29, the last year of my twenties, I wonder what defines adulthood.
I don't really feel like an adult, not any more than I was 10 years ago.
As more of my girl friends are now having their second child, while I haven't even tied the knot yet, I wonder if getting married and raising a family is the entry point to adulthood. But then, what about childless women who have reached the pinnacle of leadership like former Australian prime minister Julia Gillard?
What about the many ordinary men who have a career but remain bachelors? It's socially acceptable for men to be single their entire lives. And even married men do not have their identities defined by their relationship to their spouse or children. So male adulthood isn't tied to marriage or child-rearing either.
In Malaysia, the legal age for marriage and alcohol consumption is 18. (The legal marriage age is 16 for Muslim girls and there's no legal drinking age for Muslims since Shariah law prohibits alcohol consumption).
You need to be at least 17 years old to drive a car and 21 to vote in elections. The age of consent for sex is 16.
None of these legal ages means very much in terms of defining adulthood. Being a good driver has no connection to maturity ― it just means that you have sufficient technical skill to manoeuvre a car without getting yourself killed.
Consuming alcohol surely can't be a measure of adulthood either. It doesn't take any more maturity to drink a glass of wine than a glass of orange juice.
Marriage can't indicate adulthood too, what with 12-year-old girls getting married.
Does having sex make you an adult?
Sex is merely an interaction, an act of rubbing genitals with another person. We interact with people in other ways too, like dancing a waltz. Does dancing define adulthood then?
If voting for a political party makes you an adult, then it doesn't make sense why we have so many immature people, who often bicker like children in the playground, voted into politics.
Perhaps purchasing property is one measure of adulthood. But skyrocketing property prices means that many Malaysians can't afford to buy a home despite having a job.
Maybe having a job is what makes you an adult ― answering to a boss, dealing with difficult people inside and outside the office, and meeting deadlines. But what about men or women who choose to stay home and raise children? And what about people who are both unemployed and don't have kids?
It doesn't seem clear when you're supposed to be aware, like at the sound of an alarm, the moment you become an adult. Adulthood seems like a nebulous concept.
Why should having more responsibilities necessarily equate to adulthood? Presumably, the wealthier you are, the more you're able to hire other people to do your work, like drive you around, or cook and clean for you.
What does it mean really to be an adult? The number 30 seems to be that age when you're supposed to have figured everything out. A year away from that age, I still haven't figured many things out yet.
There's also the anxiety of losing your youth and beauty at 29. No matter how much you try to ignore societal brainwashing and constant media messages on female beauty, there's still a tiny part of you that wants to stay young and beautiful, that delights in male attention.
But of course, dealing with ageing and death is something that we must all go through in the vague journey of adulthood.
I've dealt with the death of a loved one. I've fallen in love and had my heart broken. I've overcome sexual assault.
Now, I own an apartment. I pay bills. I invest my money.
All these things put together appear to signify adulthood. But it still doesn't make me feel like I've got everything sorted out. Perhaps one day when I'm 40.
*This is the personal opinion of the columnist.
