OCT 9 — When I went to a women's clinic recently to get my regular oral contraceptives, the nurse asked me when I was planning to get married. 

She said there was no need to wait since I was already in a relationship, hinting darkly at "risks" the longer I delay childbirth (I turn 29 on October 27).

Why is it that marriage and bearing children are considered the pinnacle of a woman's achievement? That no matter how high she climbs the career ladder, she's deemed "incomplete" if she's single or childless. 

As if it takes a lot of skill to say "Yes" to a man on his knees, proffering a shiny diamond engagement ring costing three years' salary.  

Marriage and children aren't a priority for me. If it happens, it happens. 

Women should be viewed as persons with their own identities like men, who are free to pursue their own dreams and careers while having a family at the same time (if they want to), and who are not necessarily described as a father or husband.  

Mother. Wife. Daughter. 

Women are often identified through their relationships to men. They have their father's surname and when they get married, they take on their husband's name. Their individual identities are obliterated. 

When a girl grows up, she's told to prioritise relationships, but boys are taught about their careers, like an elementary school in Texas that reportedly announced a gender-based curriculum for fourth and fifth graders, in which boys would discuss college and careers, but girls would talk about confidence and how to form lasting friendships. 

Perhaps some women are also partly to blame for their gender being seen through their ties to men. When a woman expects a man to pick her up in a luxury car and to buy her a fancy dinner, then it's no surprise that men are looked at as individuals who make or break it, while women are just seen as dependents. 

That's why I take so much pride in being able to buy a dinky little apartment unit on my own. So I don't owe anyone anything. So I make it in life on my own terms. 

And that's why I value writing and freedom of speech. 

In a man's world where women are told that their purpose in life is to get married, where it's near impossible for a woman to become Malaysia's prime minister, where women risk being sexually harassed and assaulted by physically stronger men, then writing is the one avenue where both women and men are equal. 

A platform where it doesn't matter if you're a young woman or if you're a wealthy man at the peak of your career -- all that matters is the strength and persuasiveness of your argument. 

The pleasure of writing a compelling love story, or an incisive opinion piece, is limitless. Your gender is irrelevant behind a pen. 

Your heart soars when you create a full, fictional world with all its colourful characters, or when you find just the right words to put together a courageous, well-argued essay that makes people think.   

Instead of measuring the worth of a woman solely by looking at her ability to snag a rich man or how she raises children, we need to look at all facets of her character as an individual person.  

Women are full human beings. Not appendages to other people. 

* This is the personal opinion of the columnist.