COLUMBUS, Oct 12 — Brittany Peck wasn’t planning on people around the world sharing in her wedding day. But that was before a photographer captured the moment on September 26, when her father reached for the hand of her stepfather to include him in the bride’s walk down the aisle.
“I was behind the tree,” Brittany Peck said, “and it was actually hard for me to see. But I heard. I heard people sobbing. Everyone was crying.”
That single, unexpected gesture within a stepfamily, after years of contentious custody battles and ensuing years of slow healing, has unleashed a tidal wave of emotion worldwide on social media, the good, bad, sad and joyful.
Janet Schrager, a Connecticut clinical psychologist who works with high-conflict families in divorce cases, said the outpouring on social media about Brittany Peck’s wedding may point to a desire among children of split families to destigmatise divorce.
“To feel as though you’re part of the mainstream, that you’re not the only one whose parents got divorced, almost normalises the experience,” she said.
Today, more than four in 10 American adults have at least one step-relative in their family — either a stepparent, a step- or half-sibling or a stepchild, according to a nationwide Pew Research Centre survey.
Peck’s wedding photographs, which included her biological father, Todd Bachman, and her stepfather, Todd Cendrosky, garnered 64 million views, as of October 8, on the Facebook page of Delia D Blackburn Photography of LaGrange, Ohio.
“I know Ashton Kutcher shared on his Facebook page,” Blackburn said in an interview. “It’s been shared throughout the world: Israel, Poland, Australia, Canada, Argentina, Japan, El Salvador, Italy, England. And that’s just off the top of my head.”
Commenters on her page wrote of joyful experiences, such as one where a father pushed a stepfather up the aisle in a wheelchair so they could both accompany the bride, and sad ones of numerous weddings where fathers or mothers refused to attend because stepparents were present.
“That story struck home for me,” said Dana Hickman of Felton, Pennsylvania, whose parents divorced when she was two years old and who was moved by the emotionally charged photo of Bachman pulling Cendrosky to his feet.
Hickman said that when she was planning her wedding, she wanted both fathers to escort her down the aisle. But her biological father would have none of it.
“My biological dad was an alcoholic, and we had a really rocky relationship,” she said.
“In the end, he didn’t come to my wedding at all,” she said, choking back tears. “For him not to be there, as I married the man of my dreams, it put a hole in my heart.”
Her father died of cirrhosis of the liver about 10 years ago.
The story behind the picture of Peck’s wedding day moment goes back more than 15 years, when Bachman and the bride’s mother, Candace Cendrosky, divorced and each fought for full custody of their two daughters.
“My little sister and I were put in the middle a lot,” said Peck, 21, who lives in LaGrange. “We really want people to realise they shouldn’t put their kids in the middle of their divorce.”
But they do. Barbara Aaron, a divorce lawyer in Connecticut who encourages families to focus on mediation, said, “All parents say they would do anything for the kids, but all too often they are unable to get past their own pain and selfishness and they force the children to choose.”
Aaron said choosing to focus on what was good in the relationship helps build a bridge to the future. “Those choices will help define how you show up at your child’s wedding,” she said.
Kristin Johnson’s wedding in South Carolina on Aug. 22 was marked by a particularly unusual pairing: her biological father and her stepfather, each divorced from her mother, accompanied her down the aisle.
“They were both there for me — they raised me,” she said. She danced with each of them as well. For her biological father, Brad Paisley’s “I Loved Her First” played, and for her stepfather, Mariah Carey’s “Hero” filled the room.
Those fathers had the luxury of knowing they were included from the beginning. Cendrosky had no idea he was about to be included. On the wedding day, he walked his wife down the aisle, sat next to her, then turned to wait for the bride to arrive. It was bittersweet.
“What dad doesn’t want to walk his daughter down the aisle?” Cendrosky said. “So yes, I was disappointed.”
His wife said he played such big role in her children’s lives that Jeremy Peck, the groom, had asked both fathers for her daughter’s hand in marriage.
“Brittany had always planned to have both dads in her wedding,” Candace Cendrosky said, adding her daughter had left the final decision to her biological father.
But when Brittany Peck didn’t hear from her father as her wedding day drew near, she found the courage to ask him.
“You told me you wanted my wedding to be perfect,” Peck recalled saying. Before she could continue, Bachman stopped her and said, “I know what you are going to say, and I already have a plan,” which he then outlined to his daughter.
Peck said, “A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders that day.” She did not tell her mother or stepfather.
Because her wedding was outdoors, she and Bachman travelled in a golf cart from the main house on the property to the wedding site. Bachman parked the cart behind a tree, where the bride waited. He then strode down the aisle, a determined look on his face. What happened next became a memory the stepfather will always treasure.
“I had no clue, and he reached out his hand and said: ‘Hey, you had as much a part in raising her as I did. Let’s go walk our daughter down the aisle,'“ Cendrosky said.
As Bachman pulled him from his chair, Cendrosky burst into tears. “I thanked Todd for giving me that moment — that insane, crazy moment,” Cendrosky said.
Adding to the poignancy is that Cendrosky has received a diagnosis of ankylosing spondylitis, which causes loss of mobility in the spine, along with Crohn’s disease and lupus. Because of the illness and the fear that for his next daughter’s wedding, he will be in a wheelchair, his wife was particularly grateful.
“When Todd Bachman grabbed my husband’s arm, it really meant a lot to me,” Candace Cendrosky said. “That was an awesome moment, it was magical, it was an outstanding thing to do. He made my husband’s world, he really did. And that makes me feel great. Deep down I really do believe he did this for Brittany.” — The New York Times
