KUALA LUMPUR, Aug 14 — As an example of how my mind often works, I was doing some research on cheeses when I came across a Cantonese/Fujian dish called Buddha Jumps Over The Wall.
The ingredients of this pot stew, of which there are many, can consist of quail eggs, bamboo shoots, scallops, sea cucumber, abalone, shark fin, chicken, Jinhua ham, pork tendon, ginseng, mushrooms, taro, etc. It also takes two days to cook.
Although it is unquestionably opulent and probably tasty, it has not a little hint of ostentatious vileness about it and is quite the opposite of what I would normally like to eat, especially as obtaining several of the ingredients would require rather awful destructive fishing methods.
So I am afraid I will pass on commenting more about the BJOTW and instead would like to reflect on the delightful and varied characteristics of cheese.
Just so you know, I did not grow up with cheese as my family never ate any dairy stuff at all — in fact, I used to be able to smell people who had eaten cheese and other dairy products and found the whiff somewhat cloying.
But that was before I landed in London, broke, with some even more broken luggage, painfully aware of the odours of people around me, for I have a rather sensitive nose.
So, rather than continue to suffer, I spent some of my scant sterling on a block of mature Cheddar, some rolls and two bottles of cider — consumed everything, passed out and awoke the next day finally unable to smell people.
But I was left with an eternal lingering delicious memory of the cheese (which was from the mature Cheddar range from a supermarket chain).
Over the years, I have been enjoying and exploring the delights of other styles of cheese, from many countries, all the while expanding my interest and love of the stuff. I have eaten goat cheese rounds with a farmer in the depths of some French caves, scraping maggots off the sides.
French cheeses are awesome, ranging from Comte, Rocquefort, Camembert, Brie, and countless others, including my favourite, Epoisses, a cheese rinsed with wine constantly during production.
In Germany, I have savoured Bergkäse, Bavarian Blu, Ziegenkäse, Münster, Frühstückskäse, etc, on pumpernickel, grated on dishes or boiled in soups.
I have compared Emmental, Gruyere and other styles of Bergkäse from the Germanic countries and found them all idiosyncratic and full of character. Then I was in Amsterdam for over a year where I found that Edam, Gouda and Leerdammer are fine cheeses but not as character-building as Dutch Limburger, fabricated near the German border.
And of course, one must never forget the enormous variety of British cheeses, ranging from very interesting aged Cheddars to fruit cheeses, blue cheeses (such as Stilton) and the aptly-named Stinking Bishop — there are actually more varieties of cheeses in Britain than in France. And so on.
Recently, I was pretty impressed to learn also that desiccated remains of cheeses were found in 4,000-year-old Egyptian tombs.
Not all cheeses are equal or comparably wonderful. I dislike processed cheeses — not only is that stuff somewhat unwholesome, it also tastes rather bland and pointless. Some countries also produce rather unpalatable cheeses — for example, cheeses from the Black Sea countries will probably never win prizes in international cheese fairs but that’s only because they taste rather awful or have revolting textures.
But one can see hundreds of kilos of the stuff in their supermarkets so someone must like the gunk. But let’s not wallow in the mounds of disappointing cheeses — there is so much good stuff around to more than compensate the palates of discerning consumers.
A major part of the attraction of a good cheese is that it is just very simple to eat and enjoy. An effortless spread of Saint-Agur on a fresh baguette delights the senses like few foods, and is one of my favourite snacks, enjoyed often with a nice glass of red wine or a bowl of soup.
So I would like to suggest several other easy, delicious ways to use cheese for making snacks and meals — which you and your family and friends will simply enjoy within minutes (or in even less time)!
Bees and Brie
This is so simple, and so delicious that the Germans don’t tell anyone about it — but here is what they secretly do:
1. Cut a wedge of good French Brie. Place on plate. If you don’t have brie, Camembert or other similar cheeses will also work.
2. Drizzle a tablespoonful of honey on the cheese.
3. Eat. You can add a piece of toast if you want.
And yes, the Germans really do eat cheese with honey, especially if they are from the north of the country — you really should try it too.
Blue and red snack
This is ridiculously easy to overdo, especially around midnight — just when you feel peckish and need some comfort food:
1. Cut a diagonal slice from a French baguette.
2. Spread a thickish layer of Rocquefort or St Agur or Bleu D’Auvergne on the bread. Other blue cheeses like Stilton, Bavarian Blu and Dolcelatte works too.
3. Eat. Preferably with a glass of good red wine.
4. Sneak back to bed quietly and sleep if you are doing the above after 11pm — and hope nobody notices.
Variation of the above. Before Step 2, spread butter on the bread. It tastes better but you should check your cholesterol first. On second thoughts, don’t bother — it’s already yummy enough.
Blueberry surprise
So easy, so delicious and somewhat unusual — this one came to me one day when I was sitting alone in my German flat wondering how I can make a Comte taste even better:
1. Cut thin slices off a mature Cheddar or mountain cheese (the older, the better).
2. Spread blueberry jam on a water biscuit or cream cracker.
3. Arrange cheese slices on top of jam.
4. Eat.
Variation on the above. Before Step 4, grind a little black pepper on top of the cheese. It’s weird but not as weird as you might think.
Another variation. I am sure you are thinking, “What if I don’t have blueberry jam?” In that case, just use another type of jam. Marmalade works quite well too, especially the type with the rind. However, do not try this recipe with kaya — you will regret this. To put it simply, Western jams work a lot better with cheese than Asian sweet spreads.
Quesadillas
Oddly, I had never tasted quesadillas until I was sitting at a bar nestled inside some mud walls in San Pedro de Atacama, Chile. It was late in the evening and I had just arrived — dusty, cold, not a little hungry and was annoyed to find out that the restaurant had closed an hour before.
But the barman said it was no problem to rustle up a little snack to go with my pisco sour — and that’s how I got to behold my first quesadilla; golden cheese oozing out from the side, looking like a beige clutch bag filled with cream cheese flattened by a plump senorita.
Now that’s a problem with my analogies — I mean, why would anyone fill a clutch bag with cheese so that a fat lady can sit on it? But that’s another story.
Anyway, it was really very delicious, possibly because I was also quite famished — and since then I have been making my own quesadillas for family and friends. As far as I know, they have all survived and often asked for seconds — I can only assume that they are either very polite or they actually like them.
The steps for making quesadillas are simple:
1. Lay a tortilla on frying pan on medium heat — no oil required.
2. Spread chopped meat pieces, onions, veggies, tomatoes, whatever you, like in the middle of tortilla along with some cubes of cheddar — just make sure the layer is not more than 1.5 cm deep and around 3 cm from sides.
3. Around one side of the tortilla, arrange some little cubes or slices of cheese — this is used to seal the quesadilla.
4. The cheese on the side will start to melt in the heated pan — this is your cue to gently fold the other side over so that it gets in contact with the melting cheese. Press down with a spatula to ensure that the melting cheese holds the folded side.
5. After a couple of minutes, flip the whole quesadilla over so that the other half gets cooked — see pictures below. Light gold is the colour you want (or until the cheese inside has mostly melted). It doesn’t matter if the cheese oozes out a bit and turns brown — the taste of fried cheese is particularly yummy anyway.
6. Well, you know what’s next — turn out on a plate and eat.
On a side note, I soon discovered that cheese in Chile is actually best eaten melted or cooked in some way. Otherwise, they have a tendency to smell and taste a little rancid or worse. Hence, I guess this is one good reason why quesadillas are so popular there.
Welsh Rarebit
For some time, I thought that rarebits is just the Welsh way of misspelling and pronouncing rabbits — it’s sometimes hard to understand accents around the UK and I often understand English spoken with thick European accents better than Welshmen or Scotsmen.
The only exception was in Bulgaria where the women tend to pronounce my name like a parody of a screech — Kweeeeeiiisss!, or something like that, which always takes me a little aback. That applies to bank managers, lawyers, hotel staff, market sellers alike there — but the real oddity was what I was doing in Bulgaria in the bloody first place.
Anyway, I digress — when I finally got around to tasting rarebits, I found out several odd facts about them: (i) they are not at all rare, (ii) they don’t have bits in them, (iii) there are no rabbits involved, and (iv) there is no real evidence that they are even from Wales. None of the above disturbed me in the slightest as they were actually quite delicious and very hearty.
So I decided to improvise and improve on rarebits and it is really very simple. All you need is some good Cheddar (or Gruyere or Emmental), sliced wholemeal (or white) bread and a bottle of Worcester sauce — and some bits and pieces of sliced meats or vegetables that can lie more or less flat. Here’s what you do:
1. Under a hot grill, toast some slices of bread lightly on both sides — there’s no need to make them brown, both sides lightly dry and crispy is all that is needed.
2. Lay some onion rings and tomatoes and any other fillings you fancy on top of the bread slices. Don’t make the layer too thick — around 1 cm thickness would be fine.
3. Arrange flat slices of Cheddar on top of the fillings, making sure the entire surface area of the bread slices is covered with Cheddar (else the exposed bread will burn). Americans will use their pre-sliced processed cheese singles but to be honest, that stuff is just revolting and better used for lining drains.
4. Sprinkle quite a few drops of Worcester sauce on top of the cheese.
5. Place the rarebits under the grill and cook until the cheese has all melted — so just keep an eye on them as it’s quite good fun watching cheese melt.
6. Take the rarebits out, sprinkle a few more fresh drops of Worcester sauce on top — and eat. Oh, for some reason, I like them also with thin slices of cucumber on top — but I’m funny like that.
