“It’s just part of the job.”
“You need to toughen up.”
“Everyone goes through this.”
These are the words we hear far too often or worse, force ourselves to believe when faced with bullying at work. But bullying is not constructive feedback. It is not leadership. It is not a stepping stone to success. It is a slow poison that erodes dignity, day by day.
I write not only as a communications practitioner, but as someone who has lived through it. I remember the days of driving home with a heavy chest, crying in the car before stepping into the house, trying to hide the wounds from my family. The feeling of being sidelined, belittled, and treated like a tool, it doesn’t stop at the office; it follows you into your nights and steals your peace.
Take Arisa, 35, who works in a local bank in Kuala Lumpur. For months, she was made a target, every move dissected, every effort dismissed. Worse still, even a cleaner was dragged into the scheme to spread lies, part of a deliberate plan to break her down.
The very people who should protect her, her Head of Department and the The Head of Human Resources turned against her. Together, they conspired to frame Arisa for mistakes she never made. And the most painful part? Senior management knew. They were fully aware of the abuse yet chose silence. They clung to loyalty towards hierarchy instead of humanity, letting the cruelty play out before their eyes. But Arisa is not alone. Her story mirrors what countless others endure daily: being cornered, gaslighted, manipulated, and stripped of dignity in workplaces that proudly declare “people first.”
When your worth is constantly questioned, when your ideas are stolen, your presence dismissed, and your work exploited, that is not “work pressure.” That is abuse.
What makes workplace bullying so dangerous is its subtlety. It hides behind power. It wears the mask of “performance culture.” And too often, it is swept aside because the perpetrators are influential, protected, or sit in high positions no one dares to challenge.
We must also speak about Heads of Department who climb the ladder by stepping on others, who misuse authority to control, manipulate, and silence. Some do not lead, they dominate. They exploit staff for personal gain, push them to the brink, then magnify minor mistakes to tear them down. They demand loyalty yet offer none in return.
I too have been used for my networks and expertise after office hours, only to be humiliated and belittled over the smallest matters. Is that fair? When your contributions are accepted but your very presence is dissected for weaknesses, the message is clear: you are not part of the team, you are merely a tool. Those wounds do not heal easily. There were days I questioned if I was good enough, if it was truly my fault. It took me a long time to realise it was never the victim’s fault. It was the fault of a broken workplace culture.
And then, there is the silence. The silence of colleagues who see what happens but choose to look away. Fear of becoming the next target. Reluctance to stand up. This is how toxic workplaces survive, through quiet complicity. Workplace bullying has real consequences. It doesn’t stay in the office. It follows you home. It makes you question your self-worth. It steals your peace. For some, it leads to anxiety, depression, even trauma. And tragically, the burden of proof almost always falls on the victim.
As a communicator and a humanitarian worker, I believe in the power of storytelling.
And this is the story that must be told: workplace bullying is a form of slow violence.
It deserves recognition, clear policies, and above all, compassion. To anyone enduring this right now: you are not weak. You are not alone. And you owe no silence to those who misuse their power.
And to organisations that choose to look away, remember this: the brightest talents do not burn out because of the work. They burn out because of how they are treated. It is time we stop normalising abuse and start demanding accountability.
What can we do?
- Recognise the early signs of bullying. It isn’t always shouting or insults. It can be repeated sarcasm, exclusion, unfair workloads, or subtle sabotage.
- Document everything. Keep emails, messages, or records of incidents. These small pieces of evidence can become your voice when the time comes to speak up.
- Seek support. Whether from trusted colleagues or external communities who understand, you don’t have to go through it alone.
- Prioritise yourself and your mental well-being. It is never wrong to take space, seek professional advice, or set boundaries to protect your emotional health.
- Protect whistleblowers. Those who dare to speak up against abuse often carry the greatest risks of being sidelined, discredited, or retaliated against. Organisations must put in place strong protection policies so that these voices are not silenced but instead recognised as catalysts for change.
At the end of the day, your dignity is worth more than any title or performance appraisal. No career should ever come at the cost of abuse. If you are going through this, know this: there is still room for you to shine. Your voice matters. Your courage to refuse silence is the first step towards breaking the cycle of slow violence.
And to those around, colleagues, supervisors, organisations, choose not to be silent bystanders. Stand on the side of truth. Because sometimes, one brave voice of support is all it takes to save someone’s dignity and future.
*Tengku Ain, is a senior public relations officer at Bank Simpanan Nasional, and volunteer Director of Communications at Malaysian Humanitarian Aid & Relief (Mahar).
** This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of Malay Mail.
