KUALA LUMPUR, May 17 — While single mothers have struggled with errands like grocery shopping with their kids during the lockdown, they are supportive of any measures prohibiting children from crowded public places like supermarkets and shopping malls.
A support group for single mothers —under non-profit organisation ibu Family Resource Group — agrees that parents and the government “should be doing everything we can to keep our children safe”, including restricting children from shopping malls and supermarkets.
However, the group acknowledged such a restriction could make things tricky for single parents, and suggested exceptions be made for single parents who have no one to care for their children.
Abigail Lo, vice-chair of the ibu Family Resource Group, said, “No single parent wants to take their child out but if you don’t have another option, what can you do?”
Lo said there are single parents who single-handedly cared for their young children even before the movement control order (MCO) was imposed and kindergartens and childcare centres were closed.
That is why they go buy groceries with their children in tow as they cannot leave them alone at home.
“There seems to be a very low awareness of single parents in Malaysia due to the stigma attached to the status. Many don’t realise that there’s such a wide variety of situations.
“Many cases are divorces and separations, but of course there are also cases where a spouse passes away and some parents have partners who work for long periods overseas or in niche jobs (i.e. oil rigs or military).
“The world is such a complicated place now and we have to broaden our perspective to include others no matter who they are or what their situation is. Something that we aim to practise at Ibu in order to strengthen our community,” she explained.
Factors for the government to think
If the government were to introduce a rule prohibiting children from supermarkets and shopping malls, it should think of those who are unable to comply due to their circumstances, and make exceptions, Lo said.
Noting that current policies do not accept the many varieties of marital status and living situations of single parents, the support group illustrated some of these scenarios.
For example, the support group said single parents with proof of custody or official custody of their children should be given exception, but also acknowledged the difficulties with such an exception as it may not be inclusive enough to cover parents who are separated or living apart but not officially divorced, and there could be some taking advantage of such an exception.
Lo said the government should be inclusive when it thinks of those in need such as single parents, low-income workers or foreigners, also noting that ideally there should be more women participation in leadership and decision-making roles that would lead to policies that are more inclusive of women.
Finding other solutions
But beyond exceptions which may be complicated in nature, Lo said the government should also encourage businesses to provide other solutions for single parents who are caring for their young children by themselves and cannot leave them at home alone.
Lo proposed that the government encourage all supermarkets to have “free personal shoppers” or “in-store runners”, where single parents would then be able to place their orders before driving through to pick up their grocery orders, as already made available by certain major supermarket chains.
“We hope to see the government encouraging as many businesses as possible to embrace e-commerce solutions (there are many suppliers in the market) so that people are not just relying on the large chains,” Lo said, noting that smaller local shops would be able to give a more personalised experience such as by selecting and packing groceries that can be picked up later.
Taking charge
Lo said that at the same time, single parents cannot “totally rely on others to solve our problems” and that they must “take responsibility to act according to the reality.”
“So yes exceptions should be made (but what they are may be complicated) AND if the individual can build their own community and rely on the goodness of others, they should do that. The conversation should lean towards how we can help people as much as possible, and how our guidelines can help people do that,” she said.
If supermarkets or shopping malls disallow single parents from entering if they have children with them, Lo suggested that they try small local stores that offer personal shopping services or ask their friends or neighbours to help out.
“Another solution could be getting a movement of hands from neighbours to help buy groceries for single mums or those in need. In other countries there’s a volunteer movement to help out those who need it,” she said, noting that some personal shoppers or such apps could be very pricey such as RM25 to RM50 per shop and are unavailable in certain areas.
“If single mums are needing support, we would encourage them to join ibu’s support group (it’s a free group, as are all of ibu’s support groups, www.ibufamily.org) so that we can help resource each other better,” she said.
No exceptions, but reach out to community
Nor Aini Juffery, president of Majlis Pertubuhan Ibu Tunggal Malaysia which has about 17 branches nationwide, also backed any move to prohibit children from shopping malls or supermarkets as it concerns the children’s health.
But she feels there should be no exceptions given at all, and that single parents should tap into their community for help instead.
“Actually whatever the rules that the government has imposed, it’s not only for single mothers, it’s for the good of everybody, so why should you go beyond whatever is being restricted? Whether you are a single parent or not, you have to abide by the rules,” she told Malay Mail.
“To me, I’m a strict person... if it harms you, it’s better to follow the rules rather than to regret, so no consideration, no exception,” she said.
Nor Aini, who is also chairman of Pertubuhan Ibu Tunggal C.A.R.E Negeri Johor Darul Takzim, pointed out that it was better to comply instead of regret later on.
“Otherwise no point to impose, only some group of people follow the rules. No exception, because if it happens to any of their children, especially those who have younger children, what will happen is that you will regret, isn’t it?” she said, pointing out that Covid-19 is potentially fatal.
Nor Aini, who spoke from personal experience of being quarantined briefly for two days in an isolation ward upon her return from a March pilgrimage trip, said children too would have to be left alone if isolated and quarantined for Covid-19.
“So it’s better to ignore the children if they want to go or follow, rather than you feel regret, or you feel sorry for them… they will be left alone during the quarantine period, how will you feel?”
Nor Aini said single mothers should empower themselves and be “creative” and work out alternative arrangements, such as by using runners or seeking help from friends and neighbours for grocery needs, or even local community leaders such as the village head, the head of the residents’ associations for their block or their taman.
“They should be communicating, they should keep phone numbers of neighbours, ketua taman or ketua block, get in touch, don’t live alone… seek help,” she said, pointing to the community spirit in kampungs as an example.
Recently, Senior Minister Datuk Seri Ismail Sabri Yaakob noted that the government currently does not have any rules against parents bringing their children to shopping malls and supermarkets, but said parents should ask themselves if their children would be safe in such closed and crowded areas.
Ismail Sabri also said the government could introduce a new rule to prohibit children from going to crowded places like supermarkets if they find that parents are still ignoring the safety of their children, but expressed hope that parents would take up the responsibility of self-regulation and self-discipline instead.
