KUALA LUMPUR, Oct 9 — Having the urge to have a little more rumble and tumble to your sex life?
Well, the thought of it may still be a big taboo in this part of the world.
But according to a recent study published in the National Centre for Biotechnology Information, as many as 70 per cent of couples enjoy some form of aggressive or BDSM-minded “play”.
For the uninitiated, BDSM is a variety of often erotic practices involving bondage, discipline, dominance and submission.
Although it’s widely perceived as “rough or aggressive sex”, sexologist and sexual health practitioner Dr Rachael Winston said the word “aggressive” does not entirely mean having sex by acting out aggressively on your partner.
She said it was more towards certain acceptable ways of aggression which was fairly accepted between two people who were intimate.
“Aggressive or rough sex is mainly triggered by curiosity between partners from what they see on TV, social media or peers, and in most cases either one partner often initiates rough sexual behaviour while having sex rather than directly asking their partners about it as it is usually an awkward topic to bring up.
“Consensual aggressive sex means having a little violence and only superficial injuries such as scratches, bruises, and welts,” she said.
Dr Winston also noted that aggressive sex does not correlate with violence in the relationship or abuse towards their partners if it is consensual.
“Consent is very important because it draws a clear line between what is aggressive and what is not towards each individual.”
What fuels the urge?
According to Dr Winston, aggressive or rough sexual behaviours are commonly seen in situations that involve male sexual jealousy or in situations where people are in long-distance relationships and have the urge to sexually act out roughly as a sense of mental and emotional satisfaction.
“These seem to be the common triggers for rough sex these days, particularly for men.
“Another reason is based on individual preference as towards people who like BDSM, for instance, will tend to have a higher need to explore compared to others.”
Pain and pleasure
Few scientific studies also suggested that some people may find painful sensations as part of their sexual gratification and may even have possible psychological benefits.
Commenting on the findings, Dr Winston said enjoying pain during sex has become fairly common nowadays thanks to the influence of pornography, which has, to some extent, “normalised” it, within the society.
However, she agreed that such beliefs are more prevalent in westernised cultures compared to Asians.
Scientifically, Dr Winston said there are various reasons behind finding pleasure in pain, which can be linked to the brain chemistry itself.
“Pain and pleasure receptors react very similarly, promoting hormones like melatonin and serotonin to release which are the same hormones that surge during sexual pleasure and promote bonding between partners.
“However, not everyone will have the same reaction and I realise most commonly women tend to respond more to the physical pain and men more to the verbal pain.
“Women also tend to have higher pain tolerance compared to men,” she said.
Additionally, Dr Winston said pain during sexual intercourse could actually heighten the pleasure by increasing the sensation.
“When pain is inflicted, the blood rises to the surface of the skin making it more receptive to touch.
“It is also similar to arousal where blood flow increases in selected regions like the penis in an erection,” she added.
Apart from its sexual and physical pleasures, Dr Winston said deriving pleasure from pain can also have psychological connection.
“For some people, the experience of taking pain for their partner, seeing how much their body is capable of handling and to what extent they are able to go to.
“Besides this, if a person has experienced pain in the past, they will more likely consider it a bad form of pain.
“In these cases, it can be advisable to use pain as a source of pleasure, as it helps them create a new type of pain which they can perceive as good pain.”
For those who have the urge to dive into the BDSM realm, Dr Winston warned that it should be done safely and with the consent of the partner.
“For any kind of intense or dangerous play, it’s important to always build up slowly and not start at extremes.
“Even if the person receiving is very experienced, they should always keep in mind that the other partner is new, and to that person, a slow build up over multiple sessions is still necessary.”
She also advised couples to check in regularly with each other, keeping lines of communication open at all times as this is important to establish a system of communication for when something is going too far or needs to stop.
