PARIS, Sept 27 — If you’ve been disappointed by your dates or are weary of the process involved with trying to meet that special someone, “masterdating” could be a solution.
This trend, spotted on TikTok, encourages you to spend quality time alone, to take time for yourself and to give yourself the love you would have given to a potential love partner.
The term “masterdating” is a nod to the terms “dating” and “masturbate.” On TikTok, the hashtag #masterdating counts over four million views.
And when you type “solodate” into the social network’s search bar, you come across a bevy of videos of women going to restaurants, cinemas and bookstores on their own. In the US, as in Western Europe, solo dating has become increasingly popular.
To give you an idea of the phenomenon, the hashtag #solodate has racked up nearly 440 million views.
A new sense of self-confidence
What appeals to most masterdating enthusiasts is the feeling of control.
By organising your own appointments, you’re free to choose the time, place and location that suit you.
You can choose the restaurant, café or food of your choice. You can opt for a spa, go to the movies or go for a bike ride.
Masterdating is also a way to boost your self-confidence.
“Some of the greatest gains come from personal growth, because you step out of your comfort zone, try new things and take time for reflection.
This can allow you to discover things you didn’t know about yourself and increase your self-confidence,” clinical psychologist Tamara Cavenett told Refinery29.
Spending time with yourself gives you the opportunity to explore your interests, passions and desires.
For those who find it hard to be alone, it can also help them strengthen their independence. Sometimes, frequent social interaction can be a source of stress.
So masterdating is an opportunity to recharge your batteries and break away from the daily grind.
Nevertheless, despite its many benefits, solo dating can cause social withdrawal.
“Potential downsides include feelings of loneliness, limited perspective; and missing out on shared experiences,” relationship expert Melissa Stone told Glamour. So it’s important to alternate moments of solitude with interactions with other people.
She continued: “Therefore I would suggest that alongside solo dates, it’s important to make the effort to see and spend time with family and friends as striking a balance between solo time and social interactions is crucial to avoid potential drawbacks and ensure a well-rounded and fulfilling lifestyle.”
And what about sologamy?
While some indulge in solo outings, others go even further by “marrying” themselves. Since the ‘90s, sologamy — or the concept of self-marriage — has made headlines in the USA.
A number of TV heroines, including Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City and Sue Sylvester in Glee, make references to marrying themselves.
And it’s not just a trend among women. In France, TV personality and web video star Jeremstar also decided to say yes to himself in 2017.
Last May, CNN devoted an article to this subject, based on the testimonies of four women who married themselves.
Among them was Danni Adams, a 30-year-old body image coach, who married herself in front of 40 guests. And it looked like a classic wedding: nine bridesmaids, vows, walking down the aisle, and so on.
After her self-wedding, Danni Adams even treated herself to a honeymoon in Mexico. And, of course, a wedding ring.
“What stands out for me about this trend is that more and more people are realising that they need to take responsibility for their own happiness — that they can have a satisfying, meaningful life without being in a partnership,” says therapist and author John Amodeo.
To counter critics of this form of “marriage,” who often accuse self-married individuals of being narcissistic, John Amodeo judges, on the contrary, this act as a healthy form of narcissism.
If they don’t practice self-love, he points out, people depend on others to make them feel worthy and useful. — ETX Studio
