KUALA LUMPUR, Nov 29 — Let's face it.
There are times during sex when you just find it hard to concentrate on the deed.
You are not alone.
A recent Finnish study suggested that just as people frequently think about sex in non-sexual situations, they often have non-sexual thoughts while they are actually in the act.
According to consultant urologist Professor Dr George Lee Eng Geap, sex is like any other life activity, and distraction will compromise performance.
However, Dr Lee noted that distractions during sex are quite common in both genders.
“In women, the common negative thoughts leading to distraction are often associated with guilt or diminished sexual arousal as well as body image and appearance, which in turn causes anxiety and distraction.
“In men, arousal is linked to what they are thinking, which can be trivial matters such as football scores or work worries that render the loss of focus, leading to loss of arousal and erection,” he added.
Dr Lee also pointed out that men tend to get distracted during sex when they think their performance is not making the mark.
“Other common causes for both genders that distract couples during sex are conflicting relationship, pain during intercourse and fear of sexual adversity such as unwanted pregnancy,” he said.
Citing a Canadian study examining non-erotic thoughts (NET) of 81 women and 71 men with stable long-term relationship, Dr Lee said it was found that similar obstacles were faced by both genders.
“The study also demonstrated frequent NET is a predictor of sexual dysfunction, which occurs in equal magnitude for men and women,” he said.
In another study, he said gender analysis revealed women reported higher levels of distraction than men.
“It reiterated that women are distracted by negative bodily image and not being in a relationship, while in men, performance-related distraction appeared more common,” Dr Lee said.
To help couples stay in the moment throughout the act, Dr Lee said there are some recognised cognitive behavioural approaches to relax couples during sex.
First, he said it’s important for couples to debunk the myths of sex through education.
“Appropriate sexual education helps to dispel fear and shame that may instill negative thoughts during intercourse,” Dr Lee added.
He also pointed out that open communication can help to manage expectation that sex does not have to be great each time, rather relax and enjoy the experience without burdensome anticipation.
“Paying attention in a particular way on the purpose in any present moment will help couples to stay focus.
“The practice of sexual mindfulness is in keeping with the principles of tantric sex when couples are kept being ‘fully present’ and stay attentive to enhance the erotic moments.
“This is believed to reduce distractive cognitive noise that can inhibit sexual arousal and pleasure, rendering performance dysfunction,” Dr Lee added.
