APRIL 14 ― You know what’s usually the best thing about a hotel conference room? Its name.

These places are usually baptized after a flower, a virtue, a VIP, blahblahblah. Oh yeah, and the doors are pretty solid and cool. But that’s about it.

In my humble (and invariably correct) opinion, most such rooms can’t hack it as a place for learning. There are many things wanting with these venues as sites for fully-immersed, high-tech, no-bulls*** (or, okay, some bulls***), totally-interactive reception of cool ideas.

For instance, notice how these rooms are always over-flowing with bottled water and sweets. What do they think the participants are? Dehydrated kids seeing the doctor? What's supplied in abundance reveals what's prioritised. If H2O and Hacks rule the day, it suggests that thirst and bad breath are the main concerns of conferences.

Of course, there are loads of pencils and paper (which is okay) but, in my experience, they're never nearly enough per participant. I gotta steal from the other (usually vacant) seat.

So, venue-thinkers! What should be supplied in cart-loads ― if made more generously available ― that would encourage learning, interaction, etc?

Here’s a tragically short list:

Wifi – is it just me, or do most hotels make conference participants jump through 2 million hoops before getting wireless connection?

Oh, sir, wifi is only available in the lobby. Oh, ma’am, you’ll need to check your conference package. Oh, bro, wifi is only for hotel guests.

Hello? Yeah, yeah I know people have data plans and stuff but come the hell on, a LOT-ta folks want to check office email, perform Google searches, and even, uh, book cinema tickets during the talk, so jangan lah so kiam siap.

Plus, we’re all cheap-skate Malaysians with no life other than our Facebook updates, so cut us some slack.

Idea-capturing facilities, mind-mapping gadgets, etc ― I’m fuzzy here; I’m thinking about some high-tech virtual platform which allows real-time capture of cool ideas or info?

My point is, when was the last time a conference captured the ideas presented and made them available? I mean, other than making ladies and gentlemen draw on flip-charts and have those photographed?

The closest I can think of is the conference hashtag on Twitter. Now, that’s cool but how many Malaysians tweet about “serious” stuff lah?

Here’s an idea for those of you who have yet to download the software: Evernote. I mean, other than the measly A4s on the table, how else do you take notes?

Evernote is a note-taking programme which enables you to, uh, take notes. Like most good apps, the medium encourages and enriches the practice. If you’re a student who spends 7/24 on your notebook or phone, something like Evernote would be indispensable.

Coloured pens (for the visual-heavy folks) ― I’m sick sick SICK of seeing nothing but pencils during workshops, especially in 5-star places; I’m like, WTF, will the CFO bust your chops if you get a few blue, black or red Kilometricos in the place?! We ain’t fighting for LGBQT rights, we just want more hues and tints than 2B.

Post-its' (and I don't mean merely for the “group activities”) ― seriously, if hotels devote half the effort they use for excelling on tea-breaks towards upping their stationery, they would slaughter the competition; and since we’re on the topic, here’s a hotel room differentiation tip the Ovolo Group of hotels seem to have caught on: Put free drinks in the God-forsaken fridge, and I don’t mean inexpensive-ass mineral water.

Free-flow coffee ― for the insomnia-challenged, of which there are usually many at workshops. Small tip for conference presenters if you want fewer dozers during your talk: Use more photos. Tell more stories. Show fewer words. You’re welcome.

White-boards all over the walls ― imagine walking into a room and you can write practically anywhere, a room in which one doesn’t have to drag a bulky clumsy flip-chart across the room like the skeleton of a giraffe.

It’s an indictment on Malaysian conference venues that something like IdeaPaint is still so rare, ain’t it? Go ahead, click on the link. It’s bleedin’ awesome.

I’ll say it again: I hate flip-charts. Next time you want to go to the gym, skip it and try changing flip-chart paper instead. ‘Nuff said.

Keep the list going?

*This is the personal opinion of the columnist.