AUG 9 — There is plenty to be happy about Aidilfitri this week, even if you are just a cultural Muslim or a plain non-believer.

Despite the many Raya advertisements and dramas painting the season as weepy, Aidilfitri is meant to be a celebration of joy.

Forget the paranoid official Aidilfitri sermon this year where Muslims nationwide were warned of the so-called “enemies of Islam”, with their “tricksy ideas of secularism, pluralism, socialism, feminism and positivism.”

Behind the veneer of the religious observance that takes place during Aidilfitri, it is in Malaysia actually where there is a celebration of common values that we all can take part in.

Of late, some Malaysians seem to have forgotten that Malaysia is a multicultural nation whose sum is greater than its parts, and is not the province of just any one part of the community.

Aidilfitri then presents a great way for Malaysians to sit side by side and move forward in recognising our similarities instead of our differences, which is much sorely needed in these increasingly divisive times.

Indeed, it can also be a celebration of humanism, where the relationship between fellow humans plays a paramount and essential role above all others.

To forgive and accept

I share the sentiment of my bright friend Aerie Rahman, who in his recent essay published by, among others, this publication, felt that forgiveness has been emptied of its meaning.

It has now become just a ritual done at the end of a fasting month, and as electronic greetings on social media become more available, the beautiful phrase “maaf zahir batin” (loosely translated to “forgive my body and soul”) is being thrown around perhaps too easily — as witnessed by the hideous contraction “SHRMZB”.

For somebody who once wrote about the evolution of Ramadan, I feel that it is pointless to rant much about it, though I do feel that Malaysians might have been wasting this golden opportunity to repair relationships between people, especially loved ones.

I have seen so many occasions where people ask for forgiveness half-heartedly, as if just by uttering the words have wiped their slates clean.

I have seen where only one party apologises, while the other gloats over the apology and the mistakes the other has made.

This is to be expected. Apologising is hard. Forgiving is even harder.

For me, apologising is a way to show your humility rather than an admission of your inferiority. By apologising, one acknowledges that he has slighted the other, and submits himself openly to remedy the situation.

But for reasons unknown, it is very hard for our politicians to apologise despite them knowing that what they have done hurt others.

On the other hand, those who have apologised are chastised either for showing “weakness” or admitting their faults.

Then there are those who arrogantly declare that they will not accept any apologies from those who have insulted them.

We have had enough of tolerance. What we sorely need now is acceptance. Forgiveness paves the way to that.

Swapping stories

A lovely part of Aidilfitri that I perhaps enjoy the most is the visits to the houses of families and friends.

With more Malaysians raised in an urban setting, people are finding less and less time to reconnect with their families, especially distant ones back in the kampung.

I enjoy the convoys together with relatives, moving from one house to the other. Although at times I find it tiring and wish to just stay at home with some space and time all to myself.

However, I discovered that the visits also present opportunities for me to meet those I will not otherwise, and listen to stories I might have ignored at other times.

Just last year, I found out the story of how my grandparents and their siblings came to settle near each other in Muar, after their old houses were affected by floods.

I found out that one of my grandaunts, who made such great sugar-frosted tapioca chips, has made them by hand for the past few decades, and should she pass away soon there might not be anybody to continue her legacy.

So many stories, waiting only to be listened to.

Urbanites are also increasingly detached from their neighbours, some by circumstances, some by choice.

Frequent TED Talk speaker Derek Sivers spoke last year that a mark of a happy man is a neighbour he can trust.

I myself have not been so lucky to get such a neighbour, but in these times where fears over safety and crime pervade our daily lives, it might perhaps be proper to know our neighbours more and take care of each other.

What better way to do so than by holding open houses during Raya?

Reasons to celebrate

A very good reason to look out for Raya is the delightful array of dishes and kuih around, which nobody can deny is a great way to bring Malaysians together.

If anything else, Aidilfitri at least means that restaurants and eateries are now back open at daytime, and everyone finally gets to eat, drink, smoke openly without fear of breaking the law.

A happy tummy, a dose of caffeine in the morning and a hit of nicotine mean less grumpy Muslims, which can only be a good thing.

After a Ramadan filled with utter madness, here’s hoping to better days ahead. Well, perhaps just until next Ramadan, but I happily hope to be proven wrong.

Until then, have a happy, Humanist Aidilfitri. Selamat Hari Raya, maaf zahir batin!

* This is the personal opinion of the columnist.