JULY 26 — Last week, my singer-songwriter brother wrote a post on his Facebook page: “Was just asked by someone how come I don’t look like a Muslim. It’s not often that I’m speechless. What is a Muslim supposed to look like?” That had me laugh out loud.

I laughed because it has happened to me so many times but then I just sighed heavily with the heavy thought how easily we pigeonhole people into stereotypes as it gives us a quick way to make sense of our world.

It is such a knee-jerk reaction and if we are honest with ourselves, we all do it sometimes innocently.

But in a country and a world that is increasingly paranoid about differentiating us based on colour, race, religion and culture, the question becomes: Do we just bob along riding the tide or do we take control and correct it every chance we get?

My first exposure to stereotypes about me was in school. Most of my friends were non-Muslims, so when it came time for Religious Studies, I had to go to Agama class, while the rest of my posse would go to Civics class. Those days, we weren’t pressured to wear the baju kurung, so many times I went to Islamic Religious Studies class in my pinafore.

Then there was my skin colour which was darker than most of the girls in that class. Add to this, I was far more fluent in English than Malay, which pretty much relegated me to an “outsider” in this class. Long story short, I had to sit through Agama class at a desk by myself most days because I didn’t fit in with the rest of the girls.

Over the years, I realise I was born to be outsider. I have a hard time following rules that make no sense to me. I don’t wear a tudung and I still don’t speak Malay fluently.

My husband, a German convert, has read the Quran translations more times than I have read it myself. As a thinker and a scientist, he has discovered how much misinformation is spewed in the name of Islam all over the world, especially when it comes to issues about women and girls.

That we discuss and question these issues does not mean we are unIslamic or non-believers, quite the opposite, as there are many stories that the Prophet Muhammad himself encouraged his wives and followers to question, discuss and debate.

The Quran is filled with words of love, grace and compassion, not just to Muslims but to others. That is why much of what I read in the news bothers me when women and fatwa are often spelt out in words like “sinful” and “social ills” in the same breath.

Much has been said about the four Muslim finalists in a beauty pageant who were dropped based on a 1996 fatwa empowering religious authorities to punish anyone who goes against ruling with two years’ jail or a fine of up to RM3,000 or both. In 1997, three Muslim women were nabbed in Selangor for taking part in a beauty pageant. They were handcuffed and thrown in the lockup. The incident attracted a range of public response from disbelief to dismay.

Even then Prime Minister Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad described it as harsh and degrading. Even he did not escape being labelled a murtad (apostate) by certain muftis then.

Every time this issue crops up, women wonder why the same laws about dressing and modesty do not apply to Muslim men? What about those in bodybuilding and swimming championships who wear skimpy Speedos? Could their actions be deemed “sinful” and lead to “social ills?” Should they all be banned from sports?

A few years ago, I attended a ceramah by an American convert and who is a renowned Islamic cleric now. He spoke about what makes a good Muslim male and went on and on about why it was obligatory for them to wear a beard. In the venue that was filled to the max, more than half of them clean-shaven Muslim men, you could hear a pin drop. From the tension in the air, I don’t think this was a message that went down well.

In many Muslim communities, pressing “social ills” — child marriage, rape, domestic violence, men who takes a second wife without permission from the first — do not seem to be pursued as stridently by the religious authorities. Muslim politicians, male or female, tend to stay away from these hot-button issues because they risk being labelled “unIslamic”.

I believe the Malaysian religious authorities, compared to many other countries, aim to have rulings that do not impose unnecessary hardship and for that they must be given credit. However, they must also consider there has to be a better way to move forward in a fair and balanced manner. As much as laws are in place to ensure peace and security, faith is not something that can be legislated into compliance.

I don’t know what a Muslim should look like or whether I fit someone else’s stereotype about me. What I do know is that it’s not about how I look or dress. I believe what’s in our hearts reflects who we are as people of any faith. And I for one choose to let my language of faith to be one of compassion and grace, rather than fear or judgment about another soul.

* Faridah Hameed is the creator of the Language of Power for Women training programme. Connect with her atwww.faridahhameed.com

* This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of The Malay Mail Online.