NOVEMBER 12 — “We can’t give you fresh blankets,” the nurse said when a patient in the chemotherapy ward asked for one.

The KL General Hospital (HKL) chemo ward gets cold. Cold enough that a staffer was worried when I came in wearing a short skirt. 

So when you get a spot in a bed or recliner, there’ll be a blanket waiting. 

Usually when someone takes over a vacated spot, you could request a new blanket because, well, hygiene. 

Unfortunately due to the rise in cancer patient admissions, there are more patients than there are fresh blankets.

So you either bring your own or try not to think too hard about the used blanket on your lap.

It’s depressing to think about, like the current clown show that is Sabah politics.

The other day I had to stop by Putrajaya and right across from the Putrajaya Sentral MRT station was the National Cancer Institute (IKN).

It seemed so close and yet so far; I’m glad I didn’t try and seek treatment there because while there was an MRT stop nearby, it was too far a walk from the station to the hospital unlike HKL’s train stop.

Imagining trying to hobble with my cane up the stairs and then walking the 400 metres or so to IKN — I might as well have been trying to run a marathon, it would have been inconceivable. 

Some days I get a little frustrated with the pain even if it’s a lot less than during my chemo days.

While my left shoulder is turning to stone again, my right arm is nearly pain-free and my shoulder on that side is almost 80 per cent of what it was before I got Very Very Sick.

What is weird to me is that it’s my right side that had a tumour (now excised) but it’s my left shoulder that is stiff, my left arm and hands that are heavy when most of my life, my left side was stronger.

It’s a strange parallel to my life; I was strong until I couldn’t be strong anymore and perhaps the current imbalance, what was strong was now weak, is just a mirror to my reality.

In all things, I need to seek balance it seems.

So I’m running away (figuratively) at the end of the week, catching two trains to a city I haven’t been to in a while. 

My canes are gone, gifted to someone who needed them more and after months of stretches and short walks, I hope my legs, and mind, are ready to step out of my comfortable, safe cocoon.

Like I told my friends, I just need, for a while, to be somewhere that’s not here around people I don’t know. 

Next month is my cancer diagnosis-vary and so much has happened since then.

I’ve bought a couple of movie tickets.

The cinema has always felt like a sort of home; I have fond memories of childhood trips to the cinema and how much my father loves movies.

A few personal and business relationships have changed (or simply faded away) and while I’m sad, all I can do is give thanks for what I had and move forward.

It’s not enough for me to just work on my fitness in the hope of living less like an invalid; I have to try and grasp the life I want, and right now that life is one where I can get on a train without being afraid I’ll land myself in the hospital somewhere along the way.

As a little pick-me-up I saw the Chinese animated box office hit 浪浪山小妖怪, its English title Nobody.

It’s a charming story that is sweet and humorous but especially relatable if you grew up with the classic Journey to the West.

Hearing the sound of other people laughing with me was comforting and I look forward to the end of the week when I find myself again among other people who do not know my name but can still share my joy.

Please pray for my legs.

* This is the personal opinion of the columnist.