JULY 24 — The other day I dreamt I was supposed to take an exam in, of all places, Fraser’s Hill. "Prior” to taking the exams, I made several trips to the exam centre — easy peasy. 

On the "day” of the exam itself, however, all kinds of faeces hit the fan. For some reason, even though I was staying very near to Fraser’s Hill (and yet not on the hill, go figure), I decided to walk a longer circuit "around” the hill. 

I called an Uber (I know, right?), the car arrived (there were three dudes inside), and we started going round and round. 

All this time I’m panicking because the exam was at 11am and my watch showed 10.48am—until finally the car dropped me back to where I was staying. 

At this point I already "knew” I was going to be late, so I ran back up the stairs, I walked faster and faster, up and up until suddenly… I woke up.

On many other nights, my dreams involve running towards someone or something (an entrance, an object, etc.) but inexplicably I would be blocked; events happened which (invariably) caused me to be unable to reach my goal.

For example, there was this time I dreamt I was supposed to take a flight (either departing from or heading towards Bangkok). As usual, I was chasing the clock and—as usual! — all of a sudden there were like a thousand obstacles in my way i.e. suddenly the airport corridors were longer, or there were many people in the way, or trolleys were blocking the way, etc. 

Until finally even after I overcame those problems, with about 10 seconds left before being completely late, I started to float. Duh! 

It’s like I suddenly manifested a trait from Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children which I couldn’t control, or some X-Men character zapped me into a bubble which kept lifting me up, preventing me from moving forward.

The gate was right there, but somehow I couldn’t reach it. I was "floating” and no matter how hard I exerted myself and pushed my legs, I made almost zero progress.

Then I woke up.

The lost object

My dream experiences above are surely not unique. Every one of you would’ve had similar dreams. In fact, this is almost the one definite commonality in human dreaming: That our dreams tend to include elements of asymptotic frustration, we almost just reach our goals… but can’t. 

Like the curve heading towards the X or Y axes, we are always getting "closer” but somehow there is a kind of structural impossibility that we will ever touch the axis. Hence, the word "asymptotic.” 

The object of our desire or intention tends to "slip away” despite the very sure confidence we have of attaining it.

By the way, this calls out the falsity of the notion of "sweet dreams” as presented by Hollywood and, well, mattress marketing departments. Without turning into nightmares, let’s be honest that our dreams are usually not very "sweet.” There’s a lot of frustration and failed objectives involved.

Here’s one theory as to why:

French psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan taught that at the heart of human subjectivity there lies a loss. There’s something permanently "missing” in our lives which we’re always "looking for.” And even when we (think we’ve) found it, it slips our grasp again.

Consider how, when we were kids, we tended to believe that if only we get that one toy we’ve been obsessing over, our lives would be heaven. Then we get the toy… and yearn for something else.

Or how many students believe that once PMR or SPM is over, life will be "all clear”… until the next exam. Or how folks remain disillusioned by romantic love, "If only I manage to court that girl or guy, my life will be a bliss”… until you get to know the person. 

That one business deal and I’ve "made it.” That one holiday and I’ll be "satisfied.” That one achievement and I’ll be happy.

No way Jose.

Nothing will ever fill that gap. Nothing satisfies. Nothing gives us rest. As per Lacan, loss constitutes us. That’s philosophy-speak for saying that there is no such thing as a person who does not live with a deep and paradoxical sense of loss inside.

In fact, the loss is what keeps us "going.” Think about it. If we were 120 per cent fully satisfied with life, how many of us would work as hard, love as passionately, live as fully? We humans are cursed and blessed by this same loss: It’s the loss which keeps us forever frustrated but also pushing, fighting and grasping for all that life offers.

And this is precisely what those dreams reflect. There is an unconscious yearning for something always out of our reach but without which life would cease, and this emerges in our dreams. 

All those dreams of "not reaching our goals” mirror and symbolise this abyss of longing which infects and inspires us all.

Sweet dreams.

* This is the personal opinion of the columnist.