23 MAY — A lot of people don’t agree with me in the way I approach a person who is in need, specifically when it comes to people who have a medical condition where the most probable outcome is poor.

One of the reasons a lot of people disagree with me is often it simply doesn’t make sense financially to help this person. If it costs me US$10,000 (RM40,770) to help this person, whom we are not guaranteed will live or be better off, but I could help four children with a treatable heart condition for that same amount and they will most likely go on to live normal, healthy lives, on paper and just logically, it makes more sense to help the four. 

In a situation where resources are limited, we cannot even consider helping the one.

I, however, look at it differently. I, perhaps ignorantly or maybe just idealistically, look around and don’t see limited resources. In fact I think our resources and ability to help are unlimited; the issue is that we have personally limited how we will contribute to these situations. 

Most of us are taught to be fiscally responsible, and even if we aren’t we have learned some way in which to budget and manage our lives. 

This means we budget for the things that are important to us, and usually budgeting to help someone else who is in need is not as important to us. It is just the reality. 

In addition, because we are taught to be fiscally responsible, if we are to give we want to know that what we are giving to makes the most sense, that it is going to save the most people possible, feed as many as possible, educate as many students as possible etc, etc.

If we decide to give, which let’s be honest, does not always happen, we care less about whether a meal is truly substantial and nutritious. Instead, we care about the fact that with US$1 we can feed four kids. 

If we were to demand that meal have more nutritional value, include meat and fresh fruits as we would demand for our own children, the meal would only feed one child, and so we choose the US$1 for four children because we are doing more. 

Today, four kids will eat and have their tummies filled with something, instead of just one. This is financially not only responsible, but it makes sense.

Doesn’t it?

Yes it does, and no it doesn’t. There was a time I would have said wholeheartedly the answer was yes, until I met a little girl for whom it didn’t.

One night many years ago, my phone rang. A friend, John, was calling. When I answered I could tell something was wrong. He began telling me about a little girl whom he had passed when going into the subway. 

She was with her parents and they were begging for money. She had a massive tumour on her face and was dirty and cold and he wanted to know what we could do to help.

I told him very clearly there was nothing we could do, although I didn’t know this exact situation I knew that most of the people with handicapped children or with personal handicaps in our city who were begging at the subways were controlled by an underground mafia of sorts who ran them as a business. 

I also knew, or thought I knew, from experience, that the few who were not being “employed” by the mafia were using the situation for personal gain of some sort.

Before I continue too far into my story, I will share that I was wrong. I have come to a place where I find my own apathy towards these people at this time in my life truly regrettable. 

In any nation where people with disabilities are given little help by both the community and the government and are therefore unemployable and living with few options, for me to judge the way that they have found to survive, which is often begging, is a luxury for which I, who have never been truly hungry or in need, should be very, very cautious with.

But, because I felt I knew more about what was going on in this situation, and I was saying it was irresponsible to give towards this case, I encouraged John to let it go. 

He wanted to give the family money and talk to them, but because of the language barrier he was prevented from talking much, so instead he gave some money and went on.

I let it go, did not even think of this little girl again, but John had not let it go. The next time I saw him he was sharing with me about her and he began crying. He said he understood what I was saying but he could not walk away, he had to do something.

A few days later, he found the family again and he called me; I agreed to set up an appointment for her at the hospital to be evaluated and we could talk about what could be done, if anything.

We all met a few nights later with a specialist at the hospital. When I arrived and met the little girl and her family for the first time it took my breath away; I had been very wrong. It mattered little what their reasons for begging outside the subway were, they were caring for a little girl who was gravely ill and whom I had advised to ignore.

She was not recognisable as a child, the tumour spread across her whole face and down her neck. There was nothing that could be done medically. 

John accepted this from a medical point of view, but he refused to accept it from a human standpoint. John began, with the help of his group of friends and church, caring for her and her family. They got them off the street and into a safe home and made sure they had food and provisions. Within a few weeks she passed away, but John knew that he had done all he could.

John taught me a very valuable lesson, and perhaps changed the way I approach everything I do in life. He taught me that everyone is worth it, that each person has value not based on any financial implication or consideration. He also taught me to try, if someone is in my path, to try.

Since that time I have cared for a long list of children and adults who, on paper, are not worth it. But life cannot be valued in dollars and cents; to each family member and to each individual, no amount of money can be great enough for them to decide, if they had the choice, that they should not try.

It means that in that long list of people, many haven’t survived, and on paper their lives and the amount of money and time and effort I poured into them doesn’t make sense. Recently, when choosing to help a young girl who was critically ill, and having lost her and being left with a large debt to pay for her medical bills, on paper, it still doesn’t make sense.

But to her family, to me, to our team, to the team of people who loved her and cared for her, she was worth every penny. Her life had value, not on paper, not financially; but her life had value simply because she breathed.

I am very cautious in my judgement of those whom I see in need now. It does not mean I help every person, many times I do use experience and circumstances to guide what I do when I come across someone in need. 

But I also do not look at a person and decide whether or not their life is worth saving based on money. I look at them as if they are my child, my sister, my mother, and realise no amount of money would be too great to spend on them.

* This is the personal opinion of the columnist.