JANUARY 10 — The story of Nur Amirah Atirah Abdul Majid, the 14-year-old teenage girl who cried kidnap when she was actually eloping, has captured the attention of Malaysia, probably because it has all the right ingredients of drama.

First came the concern.

Nur Amirah’s story went viral on December 28, after a purported recording of a phone call between herself and her sister saying that she was kidnapped. She was last seen the day before by her mother, Asmah Mamai, who lodged a police report after the girl did not return home.

Asmah then claimed Nur Amirah gave another call on December 29 asking for help, saying she had been kidnapped in a white van and had glimpsed road signs showing the direction to Johor Baru.

By the day after, the police said a special task force had been launched to look for Nur Amirah, and several blogs had picked up the phone recording which was then shared by many who felt great playing Good Samaritans.

Then came the mockery.

By December 31, Nur Amirah had been found safely in a car, at a petrol station in Banting, over 40 kilometres away from her home in Bandar Sultan Suleiman in Klang.

Her kidnapping story? A hoax, to cover up for her running away.

It is interesting to note she had blamed two ethnic Indian men for the “kidnapping.” Did she think that would make her hoax more believable?

She was found at the petrol station with a six-year-old girl, a 19-year old man, and another much older accomplice, a 45-year-old man.

Who was the little girl? What was she doing there? We don’t know yet.

In cases where a young girl runs away to be with a boy, she does not deserve to be called a slut or worse. — AFP pic

We only know about the 19-year-old who was said to be her boyfriend. He has since been charged in a Klang magistrate’s court for kidnapping, and pleaded not guilty the same day Nur Amirah pleaded guilty for giving false information.

It was however reported that Nur Amirah only got to know the so-called “boyfriend” roughly a week before the incident.

What had compelled her to elope with him? Was it the promise of freedom? What was she running away from? Her family? Why?

Does it have to do with the 45-year-old man who was also with her that night? We have yet to know, as the man was not charged and would only need to appear in court as a witness.

Then came the scorn.

In a dramatic turn of events, a 16-year-old boy pleaded guilty to raping Nur Amirah two years ago in December 2014, in a separate case in the same courthouse just the day after the girl and the boyfriend were charged.

Nur Amirah was then 13, which would make the case statutory rape.

Finally came the slut-shaming.

I received several responses from shocked readers after tweeting the story. But by and large, they put the blame solely on Nur Amirah for being so “loose.”

They blamed Nur Amirah for having more than one boyfriend. They blamed her for causing the boy to be punished for rape, claiming it was unfair because they must have had consensual sex, that she must have seduced the boy.

They pitied her family, blaming her for tarnishing their name, now that the whole world knows that she has “lost her dignity” — by that meaning she is no longer a virgin.

But none seem to have understood the concept of statutory rape, that you do not have sex with minors — younger than 16 in Malaysia — even when it is consensual, since underaged kids cannot legally say “yes” to sex.

How could they, anyway? When we have been teaching teenagers that marriage is the answer to sexual urges, even when all it does is legitimise statutory rapes when it comes to child marriages.

Especially for Muslims, when girls below 16 are allowed to be married off with just the consent of the Shariah court.

Including Muslims, as many as 15,000 Malaysians are married off before 19, statistics from United Nations’ reports show, while the Joint Action Group for Gender Equality (JAG) claimed last year that there is a trend of marrying off statutory rape victims to their rapists.

It is easy to sympathise with Nur Amirah’s parents, even when they have transferred her care to the Social Welfare Department. But it is interesting to note that all this might be just a vicious circle.

The mother, Asmah, is reported to be 33. Which would mean she gave birth to Nur Amirah when she was barely 19, after she married Abdul Majid Landu, 10 years her senior.

So of course, there are lessons to be learnt from this case.

But do not be blinded by thoughtless and insulting suggestions from hardline Islamists who have since claimed that none of this would have happened if Nur Amirah had been taught to cover up, that she was allegedly never taught to feel shame and how to restrain herself.

I would imagine it is a tough world to bring up daughters in now. But “shame” is perhaps the wrong emotion to instil among growing children, daughters or not.

Shame means “I am wrong”, instead of “I did something wrong.” As such, it does not lead to positive behaviour, only self-loathing that pushes one away and become disconnected from the family.

Shame leads to pain, depression... it is never healthy.

Furthermore, youths should never feel ashamed about their bodies, their looks, their sexual urges. These are natural feelings. Instead, they need to be taught respect — for the opposite sex, for their boundaries.

Daughters need to learn to say “no” without being ashamed. And sons need to learn that they are not entitled to any woman, just by the virtue of them being men.

All this has nothing to do with the way somebody dresses, and depriving teenagers of entertainment and fun just pales in the face of love, care and genuine attention.

You do not need to be a religious parent to be a damn good one.

* This is the personal opinion of the columnist.