OCT 1 — Once upon a time, in a kingdom not too far from here, there was a Dear Leader who was very fond of being seen and regarded on the world stage as a liberal, progressive and moderate leader.

Because he was democratically elected, he had to show up for Parliamentary debates, and answer questions from the representatives of the people. 

It was a drag really. Crises and tensions would fester and erupt, and natural disasters would occur, but his voice and presence were often unheard and unseen or was very often late.

But that was really an unfair presumption and an ignorant perception. The Dear Leader chose through his silence to maintain his elegance and dignity throughout to ensure that his administration would not be tainted or marred by taking any real position. It was tough being a leader.

What did the common and uneducated folk know of the trials and tribulations of being in his position? They knew nothing, and despite the cash handouts, sweetheart deals, preferential treatment, racial quotas, housing discounts and the many benefits heaped upon the friends of the Dear Leader’s court and their families, all they wanted to do was bitch about everything and demand for more. Yet, he craved their love and adoration.

Into all this came a group of investment and financial wizards who told the Dear Leader that there was a way to do this. That he would have to be bold and invest internationally and domestically, and build monuments and buildings, symbols which would proclaim far and wide his legacy to the country. They would build the most magnificent of phallic structures imaginable. The investments would provide returns of such richness that it would dwarf those before it.

And there was a small catch, the wizards warned, anyone who tried to understand it all would have to prove their worthiness and intelligence. This wonderful project would be invisible to anyone who was unfit or unworthy for his/ her office, unusually stupid or disloyal.

Despite that last bit sounding like a line from an old P. Ramlee movie, the Dear Leader was enraptured and excited, especially that last bit.

"This is the project for me," he thought. "If I get this done, not only will people forget their problems, woes and marvel at my leadership, I will also discover which of the people in my government are unfit for their positions. I will be able to separate the loyal ones from those who are too clever for their boots. Let’s do this!" He got the wizards all set up, gave them a huge amount of treasure from the kingdom’s coffers to start immediately.

As the months grew into years, the wizards worked hard, opened up offices and met up with people, especially princes and merchants from the sands of Arabia and bankers from Gotham City. Money flowed in the billions like threads of the finest silk to be spun upon the wizards’ looms. Word began to spread of this bold and ambitious project.

One day, the Dear Leader said to himself, "I'd like to know how those wizards are getting on, it’s been awhile." He remembered that the magic of the project would make it invisible to those who were unworthy or stupid. He wasn’t worried about himself obviously but he needed to know how things were getting along.

“I will send my bean counters to the wizards,” the Dear Leader decided. “They will be in the best position to tell me how the project is progressing. They are being paid a lot and have sophisticated job titles so they must know what they are doing.”

So the chief of the bean counters went and visited the offices of the wizards and looked at their work. “Oh dear, I can’t see anything at all being done after so much money spent,” he thought. But remembering the project’s magical properties, he was afraid to say so.

The wizards asked his opinion of the excellent and clever investments made, of the wonderful purchases of properties and assets, and of the financial magic being woven. As hard as he looked at the books, he couldn’t see much and what he saw were more debts and losses than there were rich windfalls and wise investments. Huge debts which were growing by the day.

“Can it be that I am stupid and a fool? Am I not worthy to look at this? Worse, am I disloyal to the Dear Leader? No one should know that I can’t see what I am supposed to see.”

So he oohh’ed and ahh’ed at the explanations of the wizards and gave the thumbs up to the Dear Leader.

Later, the wizards asked for and received even more money and guarantees. They promised and reassured that the billions spent would be worthwhile and the results would last generations to come. They continued on.

Eventually, a senior official was sent to give a progress report. The same thing which happened to the chief bean counter happened to him too. He looked and he looked.

"I know I'm not stupid as my IQ and CGPA scores are pretty high," the man thought, "so it must be that I’m unworthy of my position in the Cabinet. I must not let anyone find out.” So he praised the project to the heavens of something he did not or could not see. He declared that he was amazed at the shrewdness and acumen of the business decisions and investments. He said the same to the Dear Leader.

Soon the whole kingdom was abuzz, and the Dear Leader wanted to come and see for himself the work in progress. He visited with an entourage of trusted and loyal supporters which included the two senior people earlier.

“It is so magnificent and clever!” exclaimed the two. “Just look, Sir, what an astute and audacious move this project has been! Look at the richness of the returns that we are getting for the investments that we are making!” The rest also followed suit in singing their praises. Each supposed that the other could see what they supposedly saw, not daring to say otherwise.

“Oh my God!” thought the Dear Leader, “I can’t see what they are seeing at all! This is terrible! Am I bodoh? Am I unfit to be the Dear Leader? Nobody must see my doubts. I am their leader!” He struggled to remember what those P. Ramlee movies said about not being able to see invisible stuff.

Despite that, the Dear Leader was so confident in what the wizards were telling him that he decided to have a town hall meeting to be broadcasted "live" on local television with people able to ask questions. He wanted to share the project publicly so that the people would be able to recognise his greatness and leadership in bringing much wealth to the nation.

Before the event, the wizards burnt the midnight oil to help prepare the Dear Leader for every possible scenario. It was going to be kacang putih, they assured him. Don’t worry, those who cannot see the virtue of this project are just stupid or disloyal.

At the auditorium where the town hall meeting was being held, the Cabinet Ministers, senior party leaders along with a few hundred thousand people watching the "live" broadcast listened as the Dear Leader presented the project. He explained how it would benefit the nation, change their lives and there would be more cash handouts for everyone with goodies to spare.

In the hall and around the country, people sucked in their breath and exclaimed loudly “What genius! How clever are the investments! Such business acumen!” The Ministers oohh’ed and ahh’ed with the rest of them. As the night went on, real time polling showed his job approval numbers go through the roof.

The Dear Leader was pleased that it was going well and that he was adored and people approved of him.

But nobody wanted to confess that he or she couldn't see anything of benefit or be the first to point out the huge loses and debts of the project as could be clearly seen even from the presentation. That would prove them either unfit to hold their positions, revealed as a fool or worse, proven to be disloyal to the Dear Leader.

After all, he was the leader so he must know what he is doing, they thought to themselves.

An eight-year-old kid sitting at the back of the hall and fresh from the bucket of As received in the national exams, looked up from the leading financial and investment newspaper that she was reading. She asked out loud during the Q&A session “but where has the money gone and why were there billions in the Dear Leader’s bank account? If this project is so successful, why has it struggled to make its loan payments? And why is there so much hutang? Ini merepek apa ni?”

There was deathly silence in the hall and across the kingdom. “And whoever is responsible for this should resign in shame!” she stated firmly.

"Did you ever hear such innocent nonsense?" said her father immediately in defence. And then one person whispered to another what the child had said, "It’s true. A child says she can’t see anything right about this project and she has the same questions we have!"

Everyone in the hall cried out, “This project is doomed!” Someone holding a yellow balloon printed with the words “We Love Dear Leader” stood up and shouted, "Show us the money!”

The Dear Leader shivered, for he suspected they were right and he could not answer their questions. But he thought, "This show must go on."

Over the course of the next few days, the eight-year-old girl was arrested for “activities detrimental to parliamentary democracy." The publication the girl was reading was suspended on the offence of providing misleading information, awareness and spreading malicious untruths.

Yellow T-shirts were banned (she was wearing one at the time) and several people in the audience wearing them were also charged or investigated for similar offences. The woman holding the balloon was also charged with insulting the Dear Leader. The guy who sold them to her had his licence cancelled. In future, no balloons of such colour were allowed to be in close proximity with the Dear Leader.

A few Ministers who joined in the outcry were shown the door after they were reminded of the concept of Cabinet collective responsibility.

Meanwhile, the wizards disappeared along with billions and partied the night away. They disappeared never to be seen again.

* This is the personal opinion of the columnist.