MAY 1 ― I have lost count of the number of so-called religious people who have spoken of late about sex.

Which isn’t a bad thing really when you think about how often such individuals have “lalalala”’ed their way on the issue, indulged in dirty locker room talk during ceramahs and kursus kahwin, or even actively fought against sexual reproductive health education, family planning and access to essential related services. Maybe it is a good thing that these people begin to realise that trusting in blind luck (e.g. cucuk saja masuk lah), “mereka tahu lah sendiri” or “kat sekolah boleh belajar” just aren’t going to cut it anymore.

There are no ‘limits of the Islamic code’ when it comes to rape. Rape is rape, regardless if a person is married or not. ― Picture by Azrul Mohd Khalib

That is until you realise what they are talking about is utter nonsense, humiliating, degrading and sometimes dangerous.

We have “Unta-gate” courtesy of Perak Mufti Tan Sri Harussani Zakaria who said that men can always have sexual intercourse with their spouses on demand, whenever and apparently, wherever, he wants. That a Muslim woman has “no right” to reject her husband’s demand, even if she doesn’t agree. That there is no such thing as rape in marriage which is a European invention.

And then there is this camel remark. This is what I have to say about it. Tan Sri, the first rule of the camel club is: You do not talk about the camel club.

And now we have Ikatan Muslimin Malaysia’s (ISMA) Dr Norsaleha Mohd Salleh, the chief of the women’s wing, saying that wives cannot claim rape when their husbands force themselves on them, as long as the intercourse is within the “limits of the Islamic code.”

Dr Norsaleha, as far as I understand the act of rape and the behaviour of rapists, they do not flip open a guidebook, refer to ethical guidelines or even read the Quran before forcing themselves on another human being and violating them.

There are no “limits of the Islamic code” when it comes to rape. Rape is rape, regardless if a person is married or not. Please do not misuse and abuse the teachings of Islam to justify the act of forced non-consensual sex which can be violent, depraved and degrading. Women have even lost their lives in the act of rape.

Obviously a Muslim, or any person for that matter, who is of good behaviour and is respectful of his wife and partner would not hurt her. If everybody was good and nice, we wouldn’t be having this discussion.

But the reality is that there are many men who will take advantage and force themselves on their wives. Who will not care whether she is menstruating that day, exhausted after a full day of work, or even care that she is injured. He will not consult a checklist to see whether conditions are met to ensure that they are in the “limits of the Islamic code.” He will rape her.

Saying that it mainly involves men who are drunk, mentally ill or not knowledgeable in religion is naïve and misrepresents the brutal reality that many husbands are stone sober, of clear minds and even religiously pray five times a day, when they do the deed.

Reading the words of the people above and those of the hardline Islamist group Hizbut Tahrir Malaysia (HTM) implies that once a woman is married, she loses and relinquishes control of her body to her husband. That to reject and refuse his demand for sex because she is not up to it, would be wrong and sinful. That there is no such thing as consent.

Women and girls are not objects or the properties of their husbands. Marriage does not mean that her body belongs to her husband and is subject to his every whim and fancy. A woman is not less of a human being after she is married.

Get this into our heads: if your wife refuses to have sex with you for whatever reason, forcing yourself on her and having sexual intercourse, is rape. That there is such a thing as marital rape. We need to recognise that a husband does not have the licence to do what he wants with his wife. We have to tell that to our husbands and sons, wives and daughters.

Make no mistake. This has never been about religion or culture. It is about power and claiming the right to have sex from your wife, without her consent, is just another manifestation of male privilege.

For many women, marital rape is an everyday reality. These debates and controversies are the privilege and luxury of those who can afford to indulge in them.  It is often little comfort for these women to be told that they are unaware of their rights provided for in Islam. Because if these characters quoted above are to be believed, she has none when her husband forces her to have sex with him.

Which is why I am glad that the All Women’s Action Society and the Damansara Utama Assemblyperson Yeo Bee Yin, launched the "No Excuse to Rape" digital rape awareness campaign. If you haven’t seen the video yet, here it is.

Most people feel horrified and disgusted after watching this video. And rightly so. It is terrible to see an act of harm being inflicted onto another person. It is worse when there are some who claim that religion permits that act just because she is married to the perpetrator.

To be honest, this campaign targeting men in such a blunt and visceral way, is long overdue. There is much to be done if men are to become part of the solution rather than the perpetrators. But it can be done. As long as we stop giving excuses to this crime.

 

*This is the personal opinion of the columnist.