MAY 14  ― Six years away from 2020 and we are nowhere near Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad's grandiose dreams for the country. Sure, Kuala Lumpur is plenty pretty with its tall buildings and train lines but contrast it with the rest of the country and we wonder if “development” in Malaysia only means development for the Klang Valley.

It is hardly surprising our economy is nowhere near what it should be as a lot of our critical resources seem to be spent protecting the Malays. If we believe our government (and ISMA), Malays need to be protected from being marginalised, evil Zionists, liberals, atheism, Christian proselytisation and Beyonce.

Then open up Mastika, the publication with the highest circulation in the country, and you will find that Malays also need to be protected from toyol, djinn and the temptations of illicit sex. And if your brain cells have not committed suicide, flick through the other most popular Malay magazine, Mangga, and flip through pages of pages of celebrities making sexy poses... and then talking about how they'd like to settle down with Godly men or women.

I think the Malays really just need to be protected from the stupidity in those magazines, and their political leaders.

The simple answer to fixing the country is to get rid of all the people whose interests lie in serving themselves instead of the nation. Unfortunately that would mean that most of Umno and possibly most of PKR would fall under that category. I really don't fancy another endless round of by-elections.

Malaysia is very confusing. Whenever I try to explain the country to foreigners, at the end of the discussion I end up just as bewildered.

In the Malay community, there is an active stigma against learning the bahasa penjajah (coloniser's language) English but Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka has no qualms declaring problematik a word. And when Malay graduates are rejected for jobs in MNCs because they can't speak English, it is never the fault of our education system but the fault of racist employers who are marginalising Malays.

Though of course we can't pretend that racism doesn't exist. Everyone knows that the “Mandarin-speaking” requirement in local job ads is code for “we'd rather hire Chinese.” The peculiarity with this particular community, I notice: racism in hiring practises is OK but racism in scholarships? Not OK.  

Basically the average Malaysian seems to find “selective racism” perfectly acceptable. So long as that racism benefits their own community.

I swear the average Malaysian also needs a really good wake-up call. Hello, racism is never okay. If you condone one kind of racism, you are condoning every kind so let us stop making double standards the Malaysian way.

The columnist believes we are nowhere near Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad's grandiose dreams for the country. — AFP pic

On another note, I wish someone would get rid of that masturbatory fund waster we call the Malaysian Book of Records. Look, let's just aim for that one book, the Guinness Book of Records instead of awarding ourselves prizes for the biggest lemangs and the most doughnuts ever wasted by university students.

But just because I can, here are some awards I'd like to give out, free from corporate sponsorship which also means that no plaques, cheques or certificates will be given out. 

The “Still Hasn't Realised He Isn't PM Anymore” Award: Our beloved Dr Mahathir. Please, sir, spend more time with your grandkids.

The “I Just Want to Be Loved Which Is Why I Am Such An Attention-Seeker” Award: Datuk-no-more Ibrahim Ali. We all know he's really a cuddly bunny inside despite his outward exterior of a rabid mongoose.

The “State We Most Want to Secede”: Kelantan. So PAS and anyone else who wants to torture people in the name of God can move there and leave the rest of us more compassionate folk in peace.

The “State We Most Want to Move to”: Sabah. Sorry, Sarawak, but the seafood is better and we don't have ultra-billionaire dictators. 

The “Party That Keeps Forgetting It Isn't Umno”: PKR. Seriously, stop picking up Umno's rejects already and the neverending Azmin saga is less interesting than a bowl of soggy cornflakes.

The “Party That Refuses to Learn New Tricks”: Umno. Who cares if we're destroying race relations so long as we can keep giving each other lucrative contracts?

Feel free to suggest your own awards in the comment.

* This is the personal opinion of the columnist.