DEC 2 — It’s a new month, so our sociopolitical, or was it sociocultural, or socioeconomic... whichever, analyst brings you another instalment of the Really Real News about a Malaysia you never knew before. We find out that women are still far behind in many fields despite their best efforts, that KL is full of wonderful inventors and about the importance of taking are of your health.

Women want your rubbish

The women’s Parliamentary caucus last month celebrated the success of its demands for a quota in top civil service posts. Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak revealed at the end of October that since he took office, the government has exceeded the 30 per cent demands of the caucus.

“When I took office four years ago, women occupied just 18 per cent of the top posts in Malaysia’s civil service. Today, thanks to targeted training and support policies, it is 33 per cent,” he said, to wild cheers and a shower of lingerie.

Hot on the heels of this victory, Malaysian feminists are now expanding their demands for a fairer and equal society, targeting other male-dominated areas.

“There are many areas in life where women are discriminated against and just can’t get a foothold in. So we are demanding that from 2014 onwards, the government implements measures to ensure that at least 30 per cent of rubbish collectors are women,” said Martina Meleter, at a press conference for Womango, a coalition of women’s NGOs.

She said that the state of the waste and sanitation industry was appalling, with no major firm even having a female uniform.

“All they have are overalls made for men, we want something we can wear to empower us, that’ll allow us to work it and twerk it at the same time,” Martina said to wide applause.

Martina said that there were other areas where women were underrepresented that Womango was targeting, such as plumbing, illegal street racing and drug trafficking.

“These are serious issues. We want women to be totally independent, so we call on the government to do its duty and fully support us.”

Hipster says invented ‘having fun’

Renowned tastemaker Ryan Yap was the latest KL urbanite to stake his claim as an inventor, insisted that he discovered how to have fun. After one magazine publisher implied that he invented the music festival, several others also stepped up to do real life versions of going “first!”

Others then claimed to discover having fries with mayo, waiting until the traffic dies down before going home and ice-cream soup, stuff nobody seems to have heard of before these claims were made.

Today, Yap also waded in by saying that in 1999, he fragged someone in Counterstrike and felt this strange sensation, describing it as “fun!”

“Having more fun after that came as a result of realising there were a lot of cool things happening. So I very simply just went out and did them, and before I knew it, I was having fun.”

Yap said he was unperturbed by how millions of others were also having fun now, as he feels it’s an experienced that should be shared. However, he is working on fine-tuning the idea, and promises to next year unveil an evolution to the concept — “uber-fun.”

Azmin destabilises Khalid after asking for milk choices

The never-ending rivalry between Selangor Mentri Besar Tan Sri Khalid Ibrahim and his arch nemesis Azmin Ali has taken another twist, after the PKR deputy president was accused of constantly undermining state government decisions when he asked if he could have soy or skim milk with his coffee.

Azmin’s act during a Pakatan Rakyat assemblymen’s meeting with the Mentri Besar’s Office is seen as yet another claim that Khalid is always making the wrong choices.

“First he said Khalid was not taking care of the rakyat by not spending money. Then he said the pay increase was too much. Now he is trying to make Khalid look backward by only having full-cream milk,” said a member of Khalid’s team, when contacted by The Malay Mail Online.

Khalid’s camp is now hunkering down against the Gombak MP’s alleged bid to topple his party colleague, warning that an Azmin administration would be like a circus.

When contacted, Azmin, looking bleary-eyed and sleepy, could only mutter, “umm, I really wanted some coffee, but my doctor advised me to lose some weight.”

“Ya’ll don’t know what it’s like, to be here, running the party all day and night, but not getting any reward for it,” he said, sobbing into his gluten-free croissant.

* This is the personal opinion of the columnist.