AUG 25 — I had a bad Monday.
Trying to be safe and responsible, I ordered new fluorescent bulb replacements online but they arrived shattered and bent thanks to a certain courier that went viral recently.
At that moment, I felt as broken as the glass.
When the package arrived it seemed solid, all covered in cardboard and fragile stickers.
Yet as the packaging unravelled, my brother remarked, “Is the lamp supposed to be that shape?”
The courier could not be reached by phone or chat, with even my email bouncing, so that’s RM35 I won’t see again.
I shouldn’t have been feeling as bad as I was, but it’s hard to keep your spirits high in times like these.
Everything unravels
The broken lamp reminded me how futile it feels as an individual trying to do the right thing in the pandemic.
It would have been quicker, even cheaper to hop in a Grab to the mall but that meant crowds, enclosed spaces and risking exposure to a virus I couldn’t afford to get.
Being a Malaysian right now feels like trying to walk against the wind; unable to control the weather, screaming loudly but no one can hear you, feeling at the mercy of things you cannot control.
I have no say over who will be our next prime minister just as I have no ability to get the couriers to deliver my lights safely.
What’s the point of even trying, whispers the ghost of my depression, aren’t you tired?
The thing is I am tired. So are many of my friends, all with their own individual pandemic-related struggles.
Yet sometimes pain does bear fruit. A friend of mine took a leap of faith to start up Aloe Mind in a bid to make therapy more accessible at reasonable prices (Disclaimer: I am not being paid in any way for this).
I admire my friend’s efforts. For a lot of people, just staying alive and going through the daily motions is all they can manage.
Quitting your job to start a service, without outside capital or corporate investment, to help people access therapy when cost and accessibility are issues, is a huge leap of faith.
You don’t need to start a venture or some grand project but from my own experience, I think people need something to keep them focused, to keep them marching down a road with paths too dark for you to see their endings.
Make your food pretty
Truthfully I barely have an appetite these days and looking at Grab menus make me feel more ill than hungry.
At least growing up poor ingrained in me one thing about food — to eat, even when you don’t feel like it, when you need it.
What do you do when the shops won’t make anything you want to eat? You just surf the internet until you find something that sparks even a hint of desire.
The internet is one big cookbook and it has been rather fun to make things I hear about on television or see mentioned in an article.
I traded my sourdough baking for Chinese cooking because it’s such a relief to not be covered in flour all the time.
I am probably most proud of my attempt at beggar’s chicken — for beginners, I would recommend Shannon Lim-de Rooy’s straightforward recipe.
It needs a lot of different types of Chinese herbs, so making it is an education in itself.
While other recipes have less complicated ingredients, this version is a winner as the herb mix gives the chicken a delicious flavour, and the meat is fall-off-the-bone tender.
Cooking is tiring; prep is tiresome and if it’s a new recipe, you feel both anticipation and the slightest fear that you might have wasted your time only to be left disappointed and hungry.
Sure, I’ve set a wok on fire and nearly did the same to my air fryer and my baozi dumplings look like they were made by Frankenstein but right now, it’s what’s keeping me both sane and fed.
I take pictures of my cooking attempts and send them to my mother, sometimes sharing them on social media.
It’s comforting at least, in times where politics can be so divisive, food and sharing it, even if only in photographs, can be a way to feel connected instead of lonely and isolated.
I leave you with my favourite, no-fuss, one pot claypot chicken recipe via the Spice N’ Pans YouTube channel.
For a halal version, you can just leave out the sole non-halal ingredient — the lap cheong or Chinese sausage — but I added my own tweak by sauteing garlic and ginger prior, adding them to the rice while it cooked.
May your wok not catch fire and your cooking always be edible.
